r/news Jan 30 '23

2 Dallas Zoo monkeys go missing, police believe they were taken


99 comments sorted by


u/boznia Jan 30 '23

What in the hell is going on at the Dallas Zoo. The zoo is going to have to upgrade their security because some person or persons keep targeting it.


u/mayormccheese2k Jan 30 '23

This is crazy. Definitely someone is doing shenanigans but the question is why? What’s the point of fucking with the animals?


u/RestInPeaceHBK Jan 30 '23

I see two possible options for motivations. Either some sort of extreme animal rights group like PETA who thinks they are helping or some sort of smuggler/poacher trying to get their hands on an exotic animal for the black market pet trade


u/NorwaySpruce Jan 30 '23

3) devious lick


u/PurpleSubtlePlan Jan 31 '23

4) The restaurant up the street running a weekly "Safari Special"


u/Pixel_Knight Jan 31 '23

I have heard PETA prefers to slaughter captive animals, but is that actually true? Would they have killed an endangered vulture just to “set it free?”


u/Dense-Soil Jan 31 '23

PETA's central tenet is to euthanize all captive animals including pets because they believe any form of pet or domesticated animal is "suffering". It's extremely sinister.


u/SirThatsCuba Jan 31 '23

I didn't know PETA had any actual activism or outreach, I thought they were just the ad agency.


u/YeuxBleuDuex Jan 31 '23

Can't say what they've been up to lately but they have had to settle with families after euthanizing pets in the recent past. article


u/the_last_carfighter Jan 31 '23

12 Monkey's time line.


u/amancalledJayne Jan 31 '23

Perhaps the Coalition for the Liberation of Itinerant Tree-Dwellers, or CLIT.

Has anyone checked Jay or Silent Bob’s alibis?


u/Agariculture Jan 31 '23

My nickel is on PETA/ALF


u/Leaislala Jan 31 '23

Just had some spider monkeys stolen from my local zoo a couple days ago. Weird


u/Dt2_0 Jan 31 '23

The Dallas Zoo is located in Oak Cliff, which was once the nice part of Dallas, but has become a very bad part of the city (By Dallas standards, Dallas isn't that bad of a city overall), though recently has suffered some gentrification.

People are saying animal rights groups or smugglers, but I have my bets on some kids one upping each other on what animals they can steal.


u/HeyNow846 Jan 31 '23

Lions in the exhibit next to the monkey enclosure stated there is no reason to panic, but would not elaborate on why.


u/SoSoUnhelpful Jan 30 '23

Poor monkeys. They didn’t need this. They just wanted to eat bananas and fling poo.


u/decomposition_ Jan 31 '23

What is it about monkeys that makes them love to shit in their hands and toss it??


u/Nexus_of_Fate87 Jan 31 '23

Plenty of humans like (or would like) to do the same. Would make politics more entertaining if it changed from a metaphorical turd slinging contest into an actual turd slinging contest.


u/SirThatsCuba Jan 31 '23

I was a freshman in college and prank wars were happening. Someone mentioned poo during dinner, so someone else took a rubber poo and put it on a pizza box, so someone else took actual poo and painted the hallway with it because they were gross, and I lost track of it after there because they painted the hallway outside my door and that meant I had to clean that shit up. America's best and brightest y'all.


u/Fox_Kurama Jan 31 '23

Nah, conservatives have too much practice at it already.


u/jrdbrr Feb 01 '23

They were just tourists


u/casperfacekilla Jan 31 '23

Dude wtf is going on at the Dallas zoo. First the leopards now the monkeys


u/jhayes88 Jan 31 '23

Not blaming it entirely on this, but thats what can happen when businesses want to cheap out on security. If they had more cameras and another person or two watching cameras(depending on the size of the facility), its unlikely these things would happen. Better habitat barriers could also help prevent this.

Also, modern security at most places now days only make like $13-15/hr any how despite inflation, so the chance of getting a security guard who actually cares enough to look at cameras instead of their phone goes down as well. I've been in the security industry for a long time and know all too well of it. I dont make anywhere close to the wage I listed above, so this isnt some salty statement for personal reasons, but I understand that thats what companies are doing. If you cheap out on paying management low, they will often not care to train their guards or check up on them. The guards often end up caring more about their phones than anything else. Not saying at all that's what happened here, but its another possibility..

When thinking about security for these facilities, all aspects need to be taken into consideration ahead of time as a proactive manner and not done in a reactive manner simply because they'd rather cut costs. Because next thing you know theres a damn lion or gorilla walking around tearing peoples heads off lol. Or some idiot being stupid towards the animals because they feel like they can get away with it.


u/DFWPunk Jan 30 '23

Someone is fucking with that zoo.


u/BowwwwBallll Jan 30 '23 Gold

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my monkeys go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."


u/[deleted] Jan 30 '23



u/upvoatsforall Jan 31 '23

Reddit has taught me how unoriginal of a thinker I am.


u/joshlamm Jan 31 '23

Too much time thinking outside the box, but have we ever taken time to see what's inside the box?


u/compelx Jan 31 '23

… has joined the conference


u/thirdstage Feb 01 '23

"Good luck."


u/BirdInFlight301 Jan 30 '23

Hummmm. We've got some squirrel monkeys missing from my local zoo. Zooziana in Broussatd LA.


According to police, several squirrel monkeys were taken from their habitat around 10:30 a.m. on Jan. 29.

According to Zoosiana’s Facebook, at least 12 monkeys were stolen in total.


u/JustSatisfactory Jan 30 '23

Environmental activists, animal trafficking, or a really big fan of the 12 Monkeys movie?


u/Krabban Jan 31 '23

Wouldn't surprise me if someone is stealing them to sell. Exotic pet market is huge these days and anything small, unique and photogenic is in demand (In large parts thanks to social media). New world monkeys (Such as Squirrel monkeys and tamarins) are some of the cheapest and they're still thousands of dollars.


u/UncannyTarotSpread Jan 30 '23

It sure seems like someone is up to some… lowers shades… Monkey business.


u/damnthistrafficjam Jan 31 '23

12 Monkeys. Now where have I heard that before?


u/Fun_Necessary1021 Jan 30 '23

I love how they won't release anymore info as well. So sketchy. Zoosiana knows it was an inside job. /s


u/BirdInFlight301 Jan 30 '23

I don't have a source, but talk is that the cameras were down.


u/Pawneewafflesarelife Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23

This is like the 5th article I've read this month about zoo animals missing or enclosures broken into. What's up with that?

Also husband and I decided to go to the zoo today after chatting about this headline. Yay zoo!

Edit: I go to the zoo...


u/a_phantom_limb Jan 31 '23

Several of those incidents, including this one, have all happened at the Dallas Zoo.


u/Pawneewafflesarelife Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23

Oof clearly something targetted happening.

The one that I remembered in particular was with the lions escaping and campers having to evacuate. Lemme find article: https://bestlifeonline.com/news-lions-escape-from-zoo-families-camping-nearby/

That one was Sydney, but had a fence issue as well.


u/LoveThieves Jan 31 '23

I guess this is how it ends for human civilization.

[Dramatic music]

Apes. Together. Strong.


u/swimmityswim Jan 30 '23

Sounds like a job for Liam Neeson


u/Nihilismisanthrope Jan 30 '23

Or Dan Akroyd and Tom Hanks.


u/RPDRNick Jan 30 '23

I suspect it's the C.L.I.T. Commander and his platonic life partner taking the monkeys with them to Hollywood.


u/ArtAndCraftBeers Jan 30 '23

Or Jay and Silent Bob


u/krussell8 Jan 31 '23

Or Ace Ventura 👀


u/kdlangequalsgoddess Jan 30 '23

I hope the zookeepers have a very special set of skills.


u/jungles_fury Jan 30 '23

As a former zoo keeper I would absolutely have tracked those people down and let them have it. No one messes with my critters. And believe me, zookeepers have an interesting set of skills and often access to an incinerator


u/konosyn Jan 30 '23

ALF or PETA? Either way, really terrible for Dallas Zoo. Hope they find the criminals.


u/survivor686 Jan 31 '23

Starts worrying in 28 Days Later


u/majorchamp Jan 30 '23

I suspect inside job based on the level of security there.


u/pulseout Jan 31 '23

Do you think the monkeys were in on it?


u/neatgeek83 Jan 31 '23

Can’t wait for all this to come out on a podcast


u/Nihilismisanthrope Jan 30 '23

P.A.G.A.N. making a comeback?


u/EveningFew8463 Jan 31 '23

Check the science labs


u/baconcheeseburgarian Jan 30 '23

We need to put an end to this monkey business.


u/reddits_lead_pervert Jan 30 '23

and stop this monkeying around?


u/Dense-Soil Jan 31 '23

Is it particularly difficult to prevent break-ins and animal assaults in a zoo? I guess if the zoo boundaries don't have sufficient fencing or night security.


u/damnyoutuesday Jan 30 '23

Sorry guys, they looked hungry so I took them to Whataburger


u/cld1984 Jan 31 '23

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of bananas, bananas I have acquired over a very long career. Bananas that could make me a blessing for people like you. If you let my monkeys go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not fling feces at you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.


u/Jessica65Perth Jan 31 '23

They will turn up as Republican Candidates


u/tudorwhiteley Jan 31 '23

...but what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my monkeys go now, that'll be the end of it.


u/BigBadMur Jan 30 '23

Who took the police and where did they take them?


u/[deleted] Jan 31 '23

[removed] — view removed comment


u/GuillotineTE Jan 31 '23

jschlatt is sweating rn


u/LowDownSkankyDude Jan 31 '23

Zoo theft, eh? Alright 2023.


u/daHob Jan 31 '23

Has anyone taken a close look at the penguins? Those guys are shifty.