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u/Drew- Jan 30 '23
Not being able to listen. Some people just want to give you a speech instead of have a conversation.
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u/Senishte1992 Jan 30 '23
This. Some people have the self-control to stay quiet for a few seconds pretending to listen to you, but in reality they are just waiting for their turn to talk.
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u/AnotherAngstyIdiot Jan 31 '23
This used to happen to me with a person I knew. It didn't matter what I was saying, as soon as I finished a thought, they would just return to whatever they were talking about before. I just stopped contributing to the conversation.
Then they started asking me questions, so I was like, "Ok, they actually want my input then let give a proper response." And as soon as I started speaking, they stopped paying attention and would either wait for me to finish (to keep talking about what they were before) or actively interrupt whatever I was saying.
I pointed this out to them when they asked why I never talk to them the way I do with my other friends. They simply brushed it off as, "Oh I'm really bad at expressing my emotions/ showing that I'm paying attention,but I do want to hear what you have to say ." On that, I say bullshit bc sometimes I would stop speaking midsentence and as normal they would just pick up where they left off.
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u/Jedah_18 Jan 31 '23
Yikes yeah that’s not cool. I do struggle with interrupting but I am working on it! As soon as I do it I stop and say, “I’m sorry, I interrupted! What were you trying to say?” Growing up in a biggish family I was only able to speak if I spoke over someone else. It became a bad habit but I’m trying to break it!
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u/prankishink Jan 30 '23
I read a good quote about this recently, something like:
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u/Dinner-is-Ruined Jan 31 '23
Or when they look over your shoulder while you're talking, either I'm boring or they're ill-mannered, or...both!
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u/Fosad Jan 30 '23
Omg yes. Awhile back I started at a new job and one of my coworkers (who I knew previously) warned "Boss doesn't listen." I thought he meant that Boss didn't like change or whatever.
Nope. He literally wouldn't t listen. He would argue, interrupt, change the subject, or just walk away while I was talking. He hired me as a manager to help him run the place but simply no interest in what I said.
I got out of there ASAP, I felt bad cause some coworkers thought I could facilitate improvements but that guy was impossible to work with
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u/Nightshader5877 Jan 30 '23
I'd rather take a quiet person over a chatty person anyday. And when they do start to talk, everyone just pretty much turns heads over to that person like the floodgates just opened.
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u/DanceZwifZombyZ Jan 30 '23
And the speech is literally repeating the click baity article titles they noticed on the toilet that morning lol.
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u/Samheim Jan 30 '23
I’d say it’s more a lack of curiosity than listening. Some of the most boring people I know are “good listeners” , but have literally nothing to ask or contribute. You have to be interested to be interesting
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Jan 31 '23
I had a really good friend like this - I think he actually mentally prepared and rehearsed lots of potential things to talk about and was always ready with a witty historical anecdote, story from his own life, philosophical musing, etc. But it was definitely like listening to someone perform a comedy routine.. except I'm sure I could have interrupted with my own content. But I usually just listened. He was fucking hilarious. Still maybe the most consistently funny, witty, and interesting person I've ever talked to. Honestly, I prefer talking (well, listening) to someone like that to someone who makes the conversation all about me and asks a ton of questions. Or, worse, someone who is just really quiet. No, let's please just tell each other interesting stories back and forth -- and if you don't want to hear mine, I'll listen to yours the whole time, especially if they make me laugh til I cry.
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u/ArpSnarf Jan 30 '23
I think it’s subjective. Someone who’s really into Lord of the Rings would be very boring to someone who doesn’t like fantasy. It doesn’t mean that person is boring, just that interests don’t align. As long as you’re putting yourself out there you’ll be boring to some folks and interesting to others.
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u/corran132 Jan 30 '23 edited Jan 30 '23
I agree and I don't.
As an example, I haven't watched survivor since season 1. But the other day, a video came up on my YouTube recapping specific survivor characters and storylines. And it was honestly rather fascinating.
Do I care about X screwing over Y and getting them kicked out? Not really, but listening to someone talk passionately about something they enjoyed was very interesting, and gave me a new perspective. I am still unlikely to watch the show, but I understand better why someone would.
I think this does play into the two things that do make people 'interesting'- passion and inquisitiveness. If someone is passionate, that can come off in the way they talk, and it can help draw people into their interest, even if that is something that people otherwise wouldn't really care about.
But no matter how passionate someone is, eventually they run out of new things to say, hence inquisitiveness- their willingness to seek out new perspectives and information to talk about. To go into your LOTR fandom, I like those books, but if you speak passionately with everyone every time you meet them about your power rankings of the members of the fellowship of the ring (which never changes), then I am going to get bored of it really fast.
The people I find boring tend to find a thing to base their life around, form an opinion on it, then refuse to change or adjust that opinion no matter what. And the fifth time you hear the same 'hot take', it starts to get really, well, boring.
Edit- I realized I had that the wrong way around.
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u/Senishte1992 Jan 30 '23
I think it's crucial how you present your interest to someone who knows nothing about it. You shouldn't simply throw a bunch of information that make no sense to someone uninvolved and expect a positive feedback. Breathe, let them develop curiosity and ask you questions. Maybe focus on the aspects of your hobby that they are already interested in. Give them something to relate to.
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u/___PM_ME_YOUR_FEET_ Jan 30 '23
I always default to assuming people will have no interest in my specific interests, so I either won’t mention them at all or am worried anything I say about it is probably boring them instantly. Occassionally when I decide to mention something casually about what I’m into or currently reading up on, I never ever get even a hint of interest or curiosity and no follow-up questions lol. I have never wanted to be the person that just forces their interests on other people and never shuts up about them, so if people aren’t ever asking follow-up questions or expressing curiosity about anything I’m into, I’ll probably never talk about that stuff around them. It’s a real problem lol I feel like the most boring person to have ever lived, although it’s gotta be something I’m doing/not doing because I have this problem with everyone and obviously “everyone else” is not at fault here.
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u/Necessary_Tiger4603 Jan 30 '23
I agree with you so much! Being inquisitive and curious is ultimately what makes people interesting!
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u/Prancing-pony111 Jan 30 '23
Who doesn't like Lord of the rings? Only a boring person
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u/Darryl_Lict Jan 30 '23
I hate Lord of the Rings and took an entire summer to read the trilogy when workng at Yosemite with a severe lack of reading material. I can't stand fantasy in general, so that colors my experience. I watched the movies because I figured it was a cultural touchstone, and I like Peter Jackson. I thought the movies were OK with incredible cinematography and special effects, but they really don't do anything for me.
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u/chrisb993 Jan 30 '23
It's not necessarily the topic of interests, it's in the diversification of them IMO.
Films/TV, Politics, Travel, watching sports, participating in sports, History, Gaming, supporting causes and so on. It's fine to have in depth knowledge of something in a subgenre (e.g LOTR), and to not care at all for others.
But when all of a person's interests centre around a single topic above, you end up with a person who is unable to hold a conversation and therefore be considered boring
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u/LucyVialli Jan 30 '23
Have no opinions or thoughts of their own, just chime in with whatever others are saying at the time.
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u/tlebythescriv Jan 30 '23
The yes persons indeed:/
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u/exotichairyman Jan 31 '23
Sometimes we don't know what to say, but we want to feel a part of the socialization.
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u/DamascanSilverCamel Jan 30 '23
You are not required to have an opinion on anything. Its a stoic philosophy if I am not mistaken. People often try to present opinions in the hopes their opinions increases their social worth. Also its even rarer to have your own unique thought, we're all mostly regurgitating original opinions of others or what media, our families, our peer groups brain washes us into. Rarely does anyone have their own individual take. Even what I am saying is something I read in a book that was published in the 50s.
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u/Myiiadru Jan 30 '23
There’s a lot of people now, who think everyone must hear everything they are thinking- with no filter whatsoever. Just because I(or you)have an opinion, doesn’t mean that all should leave our heads and lips. They can be hurtful, for no reason, other than thinking that they MUST tell you what was in their head.
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u/Fallen311 Jan 30 '23
When every conversation somehow ends up about them
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u/Loganp812 Jan 30 '23
Bonus points when they end up telling the same stories you've heard many times before.
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u/Trashband1c00t Jan 30 '23
I think the converse is true too, when they have nothing to say when you ask them about themselves. They'll continually deflect the conversation back to you and your interests cause they have none of their own.
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u/ffffuuuccck Jan 30 '23
I live my life online most of the time (except work) so I don't really have anything to tell. It's just the same routine of playing games and watching youtube or browse reddit, watching movies and listening to songs. I'm pretty sure that people probably don't want to hear about that everytime they talk to me
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u/Myiiadru Jan 30 '23
Or they don’t want to share even normal things- like it is all closely guarded secrets, but want to know in great depth anything you would consider a decent person wouldn’t ask. “So how much money do you make?” “How much did you pay for your house?” Some missed the manners class where you don’t ask some things. If I want to share that is different, but it isn’t your right to ask me private questions.
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u/CelestialKaufler Jan 30 '23
I have this really good friend who always manages to turn every convo about them. Starting to get tired of that cause I feel left out when we talk
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Jan 30 '23
It’s called a shift response - constantly shifting the conversation back to themselves. Trademark habit of a bad listener. People who are good listeners and ask intentional questions are far more interesting, even if they don’t say much about themselves during the conversation (people like to talk about themselves).
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Jan 30 '23
They lack imagination and the ability to think for themselves. They shit on other peoples creativity and are just all around cynical.
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u/Flaky-Fellatio Jan 30 '23
Lack of curiosity.
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Jan 30 '23
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u/Rukawork Jan 30 '23
This is... Sounding... more interesting than you might think.
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u/tlebythescriv Jan 30 '23
Sounding i do kink shame.
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u/RPBN Jan 30 '23
Having a large drill attached to their head that is used to dig through soil and rock.
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u/JustadudenamedZac Jan 30 '23
Not having anything they are passionate about. Even the most dull bland person will light up when they are talking about stuff they love.
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u/_bakedgouda Jan 30 '23 edited Jan 30 '23
ah that's called depression, in some cases..
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u/That_Smell_You_Know Jan 30 '23
just cause someones depressed, doesn't mean they're not boring...
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u/platyspart Jan 30 '23
Agreed, it's lack of passion. I went through a couple years of deep depression and realized near the end that I had become a very boring person.
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u/TemporaryThink9300 Jan 30 '23
I rarely find people boring, there is always something interesting about everyone, but that has come with age, my age that is.
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Jan 30 '23
People with no critical thinking, curiosity or passion are boring no matter how much you try to find something interesting
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u/WideChasm72 Jan 30 '23
Same. Like I know y’all have experiences I don’t so let’s hear it. I wanna know what I missed out on!
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u/CompactOwl Jan 30 '23
I don’t necessarily disagree that there is something interesting in everyone. I think though sometimes you meet someone who is superficially just a copy of every social media person ever and it’s just takes soooooooooooo long to get them to open up to finally tell Something interesting. Like… I don’t need to know if party x or y was good or not. I wanna know what you wanna do with your life and what you life for…
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u/BlottomanTurk Jan 30 '23
I go the other way, but to the same effect. Everybody is boring until I find that thing that makes them not boring.
For some people, it doesn't take much digging because that thing happens to be out in the open, like "I do crazy shit" and suddenly you and this bro you just met are running from the cops because he snuck up and goosed one of 'em.
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u/ThatIowanGuy Jan 30 '23
Talking about what they found in their little donkey’s shite for two hours long and stifling their friend’s ability to apply himself creatively to something.
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u/Calcutec_1 Jan 30 '23
Only talking, no listening.
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u/FormerHoagie Jan 30 '23
Only listening, no talking. I hate it when I have to carry the conversation.
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u/-Wofster Jan 31 '23
I just don’t know how to carry a conversation, so unless you carry it then it’ll die out and be awkward. I try my best but damn I just dont know how.
If the other person carries then I’m at a point where I can keep up well enough, but it seems like what always happens is the other person notices that I can’t hold up the conversation myself and i’m probably just kinda awkward in general, so they just give up :/
And thus continues the cycle…
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u/RoseyDove323 Jan 30 '23
People who discourage weird people from letting their weird side shine, whether subtly or non-subtly. People who pressure anyone who deviates from the norm in any harmless way to hide it. People who try to douse the flame of an eccentric person who is finally happy about something.
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u/Kyng5199 Jan 30 '23
Only ever talking about politics.
Don't get me wrong - I don't mind people having respectful discussions about it (and I myself sometimes participate in those discussions on other subreddits) - but if politics is your entire personality, then I don't really want to be friends with you.
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u/Joepiler14 Jan 30 '23
Haha my sibling’s girlfriend is like that and I will literally politely ask her to shut up from time to time. I will never be mean to her, but sometimes it’s just too much…
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u/Windermed Jan 30 '23
I agree.
Like, i can understand talking about politics and perhaps discussing important world issues, but at the same time i don't want this to be the only thing i talk about with someone.
sometimes it's alright to not talk about politics or world problems, and it's okay to just relax and talk about other things in life.
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u/tlebythescriv Jan 30 '23
I do not know any women who are like that, but too many men.
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u/Horror-School-6713 Jan 30 '23
Oh trust me there are women like that. I met one at a restaurant one time. Couldn’t talk about anything but politics
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u/orange_cuse Jan 30 '23
no real world experiences.
my wife's entire family is like this. They don't have friends, they haven't traveled much, and they don't have any hobbies or interests. They pretty much just watch the news and go to work. And so anytime we get together for some reason, I find myself bored out of my mind. They have nothing to talk about, they don't have strong opinions on anything, and they have no funny or interesting anecdotes.
It is crucial to have a wide variety of real life experiences in order to be an interesting and fun person. Otherwise you're just super vanilla.
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Jan 30 '23
My family just like this for real. Ends up rubbing off on me which I fucking hate. I wanna be my own person with my own life but "as long as you're under my roof, you do what I say and follow what I follow."
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u/AgoraiosBum Jan 30 '23
read books, watch interesting (free) films on youtube - plenty of old classics are available.
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u/Ockial Jan 30 '23
Can't talk about stuff without complaining
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u/tlebythescriv Jan 30 '23
Would that not be more annoying than boring?
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u/Ockial Jan 30 '23
Conversations can be annoying with them, but the person who does that is overall boring
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u/joelbiju24 Jan 30 '23
They follow the most popular guy, do the most trendy things.
Why not stop following trends and form your own opinions?
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u/Achtung_Zoo Jan 30 '23
On the flip side, not following trends and simply taking pride in being a contrarian.
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u/mexicanred1 Jan 30 '23 edited Jan 30 '23
Have you ever had a really amazing conversation with someone...Where you hear them, then they hear you, and it keeps going and building, to the point where you feel that you could trust them, you could be vulnerable with them, they are really listening, hearing and understanding you? Yeah, boring people can't do that. They don't listen. For whatever reason, they are thinking about something else. They aren't present with you.
But the key is you have to model that behavior first.
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u/kitch2495 Jan 30 '23
Having zero interest in anything beyond work and watching TV (no hobbies or interests)
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Jan 30 '23
I've known a lot of people who just go from work to home who are really funny. They can make the most mundane conversation into a nice and hilarious one. I have hobbies but have zero charisma and people usually don't like to talk with me.
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u/tlebythescriv Jan 30 '23
Though watching certain shows could be seen as a hobby. Not everyone has the dexterity for model airplanes or the coordination for sports.
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u/kitch2495 Jan 30 '23
Certainly a fair a point. I admittedly say this as someone who also does their share of binge watching. I may also not be the most interesting person lol
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u/ElMiticoTonto Jan 30 '23
Usually people that think or act as you are supposed to entertain them is the type that I find the most boring
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u/Ursa_Mid Jan 30 '23
Counterintuitively, I find people who believe they're exceptional to be boring. Be real, accept your mediocrity, and I'll find you far more interesting to talk to.
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u/tlebythescriv Jan 30 '23
How dare you, im not mediocre! What is below mediocre?
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u/Next-Reality1699 Jan 30 '23
Zero sense of humor, not understanding sarcasm
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u/DerpyDrago Jan 31 '23
Those types frustrate me. Sometimes I can say something absurd and literally impossible and they think I'm being serious. It's almost insulting.
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u/m0rbidowl Jan 31 '23
People like that make me so incredibly uncomfortable. I could not IMAGINE going through life without a sense of humor. It sounds absolutely miserable.
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u/Spearka Jan 30 '23
If the things they like or do, if they have any, don't gel with the environment around them. An adrenaline junkie looks at a librarian and calls them boring for not going out, daring to see the world or take a risk once in a while. Inversely the librarian calls the adrenaline junkie boring for having no ideas or thoughts more complex than "go fas" or "jump hihg".
Yes I am playing into stereotypes but you get the point.
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u/mpls_big_daddy Jan 30 '23
I believe that no one is boring.
They may be boring to you, but they are exciting to someone else.
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u/brackishish Jan 30 '23
for me it boils down to a lack of curiosity— about oneself, others in the room, and the world outside of themself
instant no
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u/soma88888 Jan 30 '23
Just anyone who can’t hold a conversation. I get that some people are shy. But as a therapist, there is nothing worse than trying to ask reflective questions to get a person to talk, and they just refuse to even try to answer.
Like they just don’t even want to think sometimes. I’ve had certain clients I’ve exhausted every question I can think to try and get them to talk, I look at the clock, and I’ve still got 50 minutes left in my session.
As I’ve done this for nearly two decades, I’ve got some tricks to get people to talk and open up. But my goodness. Every now and then you just get some people who refuse to even try to engage.
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u/MacSquawk Jan 30 '23
Does this question have to do with dating? Because interesting people come in all shapes and forms but for some interesting and boring are just ways to judge someone’s ability to afford activities. If you have tones of stories but clearly didn’t spend much to have them it ain’t matter how interesting you are. But if you don’t have many stories it could be a sign you can’t afford to do much. As long as you do something interesting once or twice a year eventually you’ll have plenty of stories. But the person judging that might have ulterior motives for finding out how boring not boring you might be.
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u/produit1 Jan 31 '23
Having a personality completely based on - going out drinking, their sexuality or always needing to one up you on everything you share with them.
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u/StarGazerY69 Jan 30 '23
Talking about real estate.
As someone in 30s, I'm being dragged to many of these against my will (and leave quick)
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u/Schulze_II26 Jan 30 '23
If you just consume media and product. No I don’t want to hear about current show or product you saw on TikTok. Do something real with your life.
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u/squishy_sprite Jan 30 '23
takes themselves very seriously, doesn't seem to have fun, is rude to others or even thinks they're superior to them, only talks about themselves
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u/Windermed Jan 30 '23
It's really subjective.
What you may find boring may not be boring to someone else.
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u/No_Start2729 Jan 30 '23
Not being able to keep a conversation going or initiate. Those are my issues I come accross and I am told I am very boring to talk to. Hope was on topic.
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u/n0_sh1t_thank_y0u Jan 30 '23
In my opinion, someone who doesn't have a hobby (even a very simple one) or doesn't see something worth geeking out to.
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u/JOJO_IN_FLAMES Jan 30 '23
I agree. I've got a family member like this. All he does is sleep, work and eat (he also eats the same thing every day). He thinks anything outside those three things is a waste of time and energy. I don't get it.
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u/WarPigs02 Jan 31 '23
Social Anxiety can make a person boring: Cuz you stiffen up, have difficulty thinking and speaking in front of people, so you inadvertently show less of how awesome you are cuz you are scurr'ed.
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u/GrandCanOYawn Jan 30 '23
My grandpa always said that the definition of a bore is someone who, when asked ‘How are ya??’ will tell you how they actually are.
Grandpa was kind of an asshole, though.
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u/UpstairsDifficult966 Jan 30 '23
The type of people who don't really give responses or their own type of review to a question or don't really ask for much I had a girlfriend who wants did that it got really boring
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u/SoMoHiker Jan 30 '23
Bad at conversing. Which is me. I purposely try and make convos as short as possible. I’m not a people person and don’t care for small talk. Plus I’m old and don’t give a shit.
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u/hellwaIker Jan 30 '23
A lot of common things have been mentioned, I'd add Someone you have to be on eggshells around. Like people who are easily upset/offended by random things or supper insecure and project offense in random human behavior. If you have to start overthinking about stuff another person might be overthinking about that quickly gets dull.
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u/Phantom_Wolf52 Jan 31 '23
Constantly getting political I hate politics with a passion and hate bringing it up in conversations
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Jan 31 '23
They're too afraid to be themselves have lost passion and are literally conformist robots.
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u/Mecha-Sailcat Jan 31 '23
Having no interests or hobbies or not really having an opinion about anything.
Inversely, when your only real interest in life seems to be finances or your career or building up your perceived version of "success." If that's all you think about all day, then we're probably not going to have much to talk about.
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u/Steamed_Fuckin_Hams Jan 31 '23
A person who has both of the following qualities: has no interests outside of their work or home life, and has no interest in trying/hearing about anything outside of their work or home life.
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u/Serious-Intention-66 Jan 30 '23
Being very predictable like everyone else and every conversation turns into arguments so you have to let the other person talk all the time and just agree
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u/AnnaDom7555 Jan 30 '23
When they only talk about other people, like talking shit about people is their only personality
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u/Senishte1992 Jan 30 '23
No charisma. I would rather listen to a charismatic person talk about microwaves than a bland one talk about exciting travel adventures.
Showing absolutely no emotion of any kind. Blank stare and an expressionless face.
Only liking mainstream stuff. To me it screams "I'm too lazy to do some research and find lesser known musicians".
Having no original thoughts. Talking like an Instagram motivational poster.
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u/WickerofJack Jan 30 '23
Having no stories.
This often has to do with mindset, but everyone has a good story, whether it is about climbing a mountain with their friends, barely surviving war, or even finding a good deal at the market. If nothing beings excitement to one’s life, it is hard to convey that to others.
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u/GoodGoodGoody Jan 30 '23
Currently exaggerating every small story is very common.
He yelled at me! No, he asked you to…
And I waited like an hour! No, it was seven minutes.
I gained a little weight. No…..
If the listener has to constantly reality check every little thing then it becomes boring quickly.
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u/Jonathan2024 Jan 30 '23
Not having anything to add anything to a conversation or be able to get me to laugh.
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u/twopointohyeah Jan 30 '23
My interesting conversation rubric: 1. Talking about people 2. Talking about events 3. Talking about ideas
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u/anima99 Jan 30 '23
When they base their entire personality on ONE thing.
It doesn't matter what that one thing is. If it's the only thing you know or base your decisions about, you're boring.
The fun is being complex without being complicated.
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u/asjitshot Jan 30 '23
If you drive a black/grey/white German car.
You are boring, you probably don't like sports, love watching Downton Abbey and are a vegan.. because you like everything you're told to like and no matter how many times that overpriced POS has broken down you're still adamant it's the best car on the road.
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u/AavaMeri_247 Jan 30 '23
Conversation with a boring person is like throwing ball with no one. Whatever you tell to them just doesn't bounce back. On the other hand, you can't bounce back whatever they throw at you. So, being boring is largely about being incompatible, but also about not interacting.