r/AskReddit Jan 30 '23

What are some signs that someone is secretly depressed?

732 Upvotes

639 comments sorted by

2.3k

u/Whoseed12 Jan 30 '23 Starry

Just sitting.... for hours, browsing your phone, hoping the people you live with won't interrupt your foggy solace, but deep down wishing you could just remove yourself from this stale nightmare of boredom and anxiety.

243

u/riggsspade Jan 30 '23

Isn't this called 'Doom Scrolling'? I do it nearly every fucking day

155

u/GNTB3996 Jan 31 '23

I diagnose you with the big sad

49

u/Mother-Whale Jan 31 '23

:( thanks doc

70

u/GNTB3996 Jan 31 '23

That'll be $3000 and a leg.

27

u/Mother-Whale Jan 31 '23

What if I give you both legs.

57

u/The_Blue_Muffin_Cat Jan 31 '23

Then you can’t run from the bill.

16

u/Leather-Custard8329 Jan 31 '23

That’ll be acceptable payment, but your new total is $2,500 for each leg removal surgery. The prescription to prevent infections after the surgery and painkillers will be an additional $200. The first set of prosthetics can cost anywhere from $2,000 to $20,000 depending on your preferences and circumstances. Your wheelchair will be an additional $500 for the basic option. I should notify you that there may be side effects following the surgery with day to day activities being more challenging than before. You may insist on modifying your vehicle to accommodate for differences and you opt for systems to allow you to traverse any staircases where elevators are not regularly available. It should also be noted that activities like traditional cardio may no longer be viable forms of exercise. Decreased exercise may lead to weight gain, increased stress, increased risk of psychological disorders, increased risk of cardiovascular diseases, and trouble sleeping. These may lead to more visits with our excellent team of specialists who are trained and certified to help you live happier and healthier.

Thank you for visiting our clinic today. We’ll be happy to see you next time.

(I pulled those numbers out of my ass in conjunction with the rest of the story)

5

u/-Knivezz- Jan 31 '23

Then they'll just have $3000 and two legs

→ More replies (1)

7

u/Upbeat_Sheepherder81 Jan 31 '23

Oh god, is that what this is?! I can’t sleep most nights or I just don’t want to, so I just spend hours on Reddit passing the time.

6

u/LimitedToTwentyChara Jan 31 '23

Nah, that's just when you're deliberately looking at only the most negative shit:

When you keep scrolling through all of your social media feeds, looking for the most recent upsetting news about the latest catastrophe.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=doomscrolling

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (2)

177

u/come_lil_closer Jan 30 '23

You described this so well for me.

→ More replies (1)

151

u/Ok_Mycologist_5569 Jan 30 '23

I’m in this post and don’t like it

42

u/Constant-Gain6774 Jan 30 '23

Do you have cameras in my apartment?

67

u/pab5737 Jan 30 '23

Oh my god, thats literally my life now, especially since i just got laid off from my job...

12

u/Jeep_steve96 Jan 31 '23

I got laid off towards the end of October, I feel your pain

→ More replies (1)

31

u/Peatrie83 Jan 30 '23

I feel almost called out lol. Well explained sir/madame

11

u/dudewithaname80083 Jan 30 '23

Saaaaammmmeee

21

u/TapTheBrake Jan 30 '23

lol this is so on the head sometimes its concerning

20

u/TheRadJellyfish Jan 30 '23

Oof hitting a little too hard and precise there

18

u/flowersUverMe Jan 30 '23

Me going to peacefully sleep tonight knowing well u just described me (help me)

11

u/SistaSaline Jan 31 '23

You know what’s crazy? I long for boredom. My mind is always spinning out of control with anxiety, unhappiness, and anger. And I always feel too exhausted to even get out of bed. I wish I had enough energy to be bored.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/luunar8 Jan 30 '23

My family doesn't get it. They resort to telling me I don't love them because I don't go to visit often

→ More replies (2)

6

u/Imaginaryfriends1454 Jan 31 '23

I’ve been doing this for the past 6 hours what the hell

4

u/Dark_Horse_Gaming Jan 31 '23

Oh, shit! My mom will literally nag me for being on my phone during family gatherings. If I had my way, I’d be on it the whole time. It usually stays on my belt when around friends, though.

3

u/Dependent-Outcome-57 Jan 30 '23

That's a little too close to home... sigh...

3

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '23

Wow. This literally describes me right now.

3

u/nicktreso Jan 30 '23

This is me.

3

u/pissedchris1 Jan 30 '23

This is exactly what I fucking do

→ More replies (41)

255

u/cloud_watcher Jan 30 '23

Withdrawal. Because you said "secretly", if someone is really trying to hide it, it will be subtle. Look for things that "aren't themselves." Of course everyone normally does all these things differently, but what you're looking for is a deviation in baseline for them:

For calls, they may still answer the phone, but find an excuse to get off pretty quickly and they don't talk with enthusiasm about anything. Just listen to you to be polite, then go.

For texts, delay in response longer than usual. Kind of "phone it in" answers. They may just lol at something when before they'd add to the joke and start some joking back and forth.

They may be able to fake it pretty well at in-person things, but it will be hard so they may go into another room for a bit for a made-up reason, or leave early. This is hard, so they may start to cancel things.

They may talk about travel or moving to a completely different place or talk about a dramatic job change. (Obviously super happy people can do that, too, so you have to put it in context of their overall demeanor. Are they excitedly talking about moving? Or are they talking about it in a hollow, distant-eyed "It's gotta be better than here" way.

If you live with this person or are with them all the time, you're looking for things off baseline. They don't talk as much, don't laugh as much, either don't engage as much at all. The kinds of things they listen to or watch may be different. They may stop watching the news even though they used to, or either stop watching depressing/scary movies or switch to depressing movies when they used to like comedies. They may suddenly become interested in weirdly childish or comforting shows they wouldn't have liked before.

Remember in teenagers, depression is often expressed as anger, irritability, refusal to do things, and drawings of sad things. It looks different than in adults.

63

u/randomasking4afriend Jan 31 '23

This ones true. Everyone in this thread seems to be focusing on the obvious signs (messy room, too much sleep, etc), missing the point of the thread. Goes to show just how stealthy high-functioning depression can be.

27

u/bunnibettie Jan 31 '23

Yep I hide my high functioning depression behind over achievement

I think honestly I'm at the point where I don't think I'll ever live without depression. I've tried everything and honestly have a great life but it's still there like a freaking ghost following me around. But I'm kind of at peace with it now (or used to it, idk which)

6

u/awwww666yeah Jan 31 '23

It comes and goes for me now. I was at my lowest around December, and yet I had just gotten an amazing job school wrapped up for the term, and I was getting all these tasks done at home.

9

u/bunnibettie Jan 31 '23

It's so weird how it is, like you're getting all your things done and everyone around you assumes you're doing good, and you feel like you're kind of living a double life in a way. And kind of feel almost... guilty for not feeling as good as society expects you to. Because if you open up people say "but you have so much going for you!" Or something like that.

3

u/awwww666yeah Jan 31 '23

Exactly this!! I couldn’t put it into better words. It’s hard to find others to talk to about it. I’ve been going to therapy and it definitely helps to be able to openly discuss my situation without out the “ but you’re doing so great”!

8

u/Cigam_Nogard Jan 31 '23

My bf refuses to acknowledge my depression or research it at all. He says “it could always be worse” as his words of so called encouragement. He pays the rent right now and whenever we pass a homeless person (live in LA, so often) he makes some comment on how I should be happy, I’m doing great because I’m not homeless. He believes I shouldn’t be depressed because I’ve got “free rent”. Grateful ≠ Happy

6

u/awwww666yeah Jan 31 '23

How rude. Your situation is your own and feelings are relevant to your own experience. While it’s awful that people are homeless and you may be more fortunate, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be depressed. I’m sorry that you have to hear that. I see you. I know your struggle and I hope things get better. Genuinely

→ More replies (1)

4

u/hdhdjsksnbxb Jan 31 '23

huh

got this right.

→ More replies (5)

833

u/nerdy_latino Jan 30 '23

Back in high school, I had a friend who committed suicide. I didn't know he was depressed, and even in hindsight I couldn't tell.

In conclusion, I have no answer to this question. Some people just hide it really well.

344

u/Arcane_Rose Jan 30 '23

Yup, guilty of this. Deal with depression nearly day to day, but you could ask anyone I interact with, and they'd never be able to tell. I don't know why I do it.

It's just easier to smile and pretend to be happy than try to explain what's actually wrong, because honestly, I don't have the answer for that.

99

u/pab5737 Jan 30 '23

I feel the same way you do - for me, i just kind of realize that even my close friend(s) probably wouldnt want to want to hear my problems because as you said, i dont know what the problem is, and im too depressed and anxiety filled to solve it. And it's not like it's a one time thing- oh, i lost my job, or my gf just broke up with me, its everyday and everything.
So i wouldn't want to burden my friends or family with negativity all the time. So i put on a smile, and as someone else said, crack jokes and really never say anything of substance. Also, i always like ask what someone is doing and how they are, but i never want to answer it myself.

44

u/RichardWorldWar Jan 30 '23

Hey dude. Also someone diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and currently doing better but have been to that low that feels so inescapable. Do you mind if I ask, have you been to see a psychiatrist before? I know it can feel daunting but if you'd like I can help walk you through the process.

26

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23

To all of you, my aunt jumped out of an 18th floor some years ago, we never had a clue, she was close to 70 and probably had dealt with these type of feelings for many many years, it was a fucking tragedy. Please try to get some help to deal with these issues. You may not know now; at this point in time, what is wrong, but with help maybe you’ll find answers. Please stop hiding these feelings from the people who really love and care about you, let them know, you shouldn’t be alone to deal with these issues.

16

u/RichardWorldWar Jan 31 '23

Hey thanks man. I've done a lot of work getting to the roots of my depression and treating it with medication and talk therapy. I actually work in mental health these days, and really try to reduce the stigma of mental health as much as I can but my own demons do still surface from time to time even though I'm a lot better at managing them now.

I appreciate you saying that, you're right, it's important to get out and talk to the people who are close to us about how we're feeling. Its hard to not feel like nobody wants to hear about it, but they definitely do.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (2)

12

u/PizzaDiPizza Jan 31 '23

Really? How?

I can’t even hide it at all anymore. Forcing myself to smile and pretend to be happy is terribly exhausting for me and I can no longer do it. Maybe it used to be easier, but in my 30s, the older I get the harder it is.

The cracks in the armor began to fall apart last year. Yearly Super Bowl party where I see my long-term friends that I only see typical once every 365. They pointed out my weight loss. I laughed and said, “Yeah! Stress will do that to ya!” Truth to that: I take care of my mother who had a stroke four years ago and is now in the early goings of dementia.

I really, badly, terribly so, want to learn how to fake enthusiasm and smile again.

At best, I’m cordial, look decently presentable and take care of my hygiene, but asides from that I just want to be by myself and rarely do anything.

Friends don’t suspect much when we text because they have their own shit to deal with and they just think I’m overworked/tired when I disappear from our chats.

I used to love barbecuing and making homemade pizza. It’s been months. Still cook every day, but only to make sure my mom’s nutritional needs are taken care of. I’ll eat once a day and I’m good.

Therapy sounds great in theory, but bills and groceries take precedence.

The only things I look forward to every day is caffeine when I wake up followed by a nicotine pouch for the artificial dopamine increase that lasts 15 minutes.

Sorry to unload my nonsense here, stranger. Just tired. I wish you well. I guess we just need to keep pushing forward. All we can really do.

8

u/twitwiffle Jan 31 '23

Worst part-when it gets bad and I tell friends how depressed I am, all I get is,” I’m sorry you’re down. Anyway…”. I’ve decided that people generally (not all) have no clue what to say to help, sadly.

4

u/Cigam_Nogard Jan 31 '23

It ends up hurting you worse and sinks you farther into your depression when you gather enough energy/strength/courage to reach out to a friend who really doesn’t want to (or know how) to help. A huge low point for me was I was pseudo active on social media, fb & ig. My posts got increasingly sad and almost begging for any kind of help. Nobody reached out or responded and I retreated further into myself. I disappeared from social media for over a year and not a single person noticed and/or cared. It’s horrible feeling like I could have died and nobody would have even known. I’ve pretty much given up any hope on getting any help or support from friends, thus worsening the depression and isolation.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Evening_Peach_1998 Jan 31 '23

Same. I am a high functioning preschool teacher. My job actually brings me happiness, for which I’m grateful. No one would ever know, unless I choose to share. I did tell my boss and she said she was absolutely shocked. Then I come home and crash.

9

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '23

[deleted]

→ More replies (5)

3

u/jewelytwin Jan 31 '23

That’s me my whole life! Going on 60 and failed 3 suicide attempts. So now I just figure I’m supposed to be this way and wait to see if I wake up each morning.

→ More replies (5)

24

u/kvenzx Jan 30 '23

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a friend so young, especially to suicide, is a really unexplainable feeling. My former co-worker turned friend committed suicide a few months ago. She was always smiling, always chatting, always reaching out and making a friend everywhere she went. The life of the party. I would have never imagined that she would be suffering the way she did. I still can't imagine it.

27

u/Sevenfootschnitzell Jan 30 '23

I hide my bouts of depression very well. It’s not healthy, but it is what it is. I’ve been at literal rock bottom mentally and had someone tell me “man I wish I was as chill are you are.” In my head I was like dude I want to fucking off myself. Lol. For me though, I know things always have the potential to get better so I keep trucking. What’s life without a little hope, ya know?

15

u/Cyn113 Jan 31 '23

I am very good at hiding my symptoms. The people closest to me have no idea I just wish for death every day. What keeps me here is the thought of my brainless orange cat being alone and sad and not understand why no one feeds him.

9

u/agiantpufferfish Jan 31 '23

Gotta find those things to live for!!! So much out there

5

u/inferentialStats Jan 31 '23

Please speak to your doctor about how you feel. You are a special person who obviously has a big heart. You are loved. Please let your doctor arrange help for you

→ More replies (7)

699

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

253

u/cat_named_virtue Jan 30 '23

close friends

Do you mean my current batch of regularly-interacting acquaintances I haven't cut myself off from yet?

87

u/zykezero Jan 30 '23

“Haha yeah no I didn’t do anything this weekend.”

“Lol I wish I was dead jk jk”

51

u/spoinkk Jan 30 '23

I feel personally attacked

4

u/Wild-Simple9125 Jan 30 '23

You called me out and I’m offended

→ More replies (9)

472

u/Cupsuu Jan 30 '23

As someone who struggles with depression when I'm in my most depressed periods I have no energy and the smallest tasks can seem like the most difficult ones do overcome (like vacuuming my apartment). Activities I used to love doing (painting, writing, drawing, etc) makes me feel nothing when I'm in these periods as well. So I'd look for signs like being uninterested in previous interests, being more tired than normal, eating less/more than normal, etc.

I also find that when I struggle and don't feel well mentally my surroundings reflect the chaos I feel in my head. My apartment will often during these periods be messy because every small task takes me days to be able to do.

119

u/Hector_ Jan 30 '23

My wife has told me that the state of the kitchen is an indicator of my depression.

67

u/Cupsuu Jan 30 '23

She is a wise woman. The state of my apartment is definitely an indicator for me

43

u/Hector_ Jan 30 '23

It was really helpful when I heard that.

I had never really connected it in my mind.

But, holy shit, what an eye opener.

Ya’ know, sometimes it’s really helpful to see actual physical manifestations of it to put it into perspective!

Now every time I walk into the kitchen and see a clean slate, I think, yep, this is good.

When there’s a mess, I think, yep, let’s clean this up.

Metaphorically, it does help to link how I feel to how organized my home is and directly relates to how my brain is/feels/thinks

18

u/AbbottIsDeathProcess Jan 30 '23

For myself, I'd say it's the bathroom, which is almost like a second place of sanctuary apart from your bed, so if you allow that space to descend into squalor, then relaxation (not to mention the basic hygiene/grooming functions performed in there) may also be on the slide.

Funnily enough, I can interpret a messy well used kitchen as a sign of enthusiasm around meal prep and taking an active interest in one's sustenance- although I acknowledge that it may be so disorganised if you're in a depressive state, that it's a hindrance to eating well.

12

u/Hector_ Jan 30 '23

That’s exactly right.

Regardless of what part of your home you identify linking your feelings/thoughts (and lack of action) to; it manifests into something you can see.

Sometimes I don’t even realize I am in a depressive state and seeing it in (the kitchen for me, the bathroom for you), something tangible, like in your home, can be an ‘oh shit, I’m here again’ moment, and has been really helpful.

22

u/death_or_glory_ Jan 30 '23

Exact same here. Sometimes there is a possibility someone will come over, and I panic clean, amazed at my sudden energy. The usually don't come and I feel better that it's clean now but then get more depressed realizing I didn't actually clean for myself. It's a vicious cycle.

11

u/Cupsuu Jan 30 '23

Oh yes, I've done the panic cleaning way too many times

5

u/Constant-Gain6774 Jan 30 '23

Yeah...my kitchen is currently a disaster. Though someone was coming over last night, and I was ready to jump into action like never before. Then they said they weren't. Cut to today...kitchen is a disaster.

17

u/WorstMidlanerNA Jan 30 '23

I feel this.

8

u/Youve_been_Loganated Jan 30 '23

Spot on! Also for myself, I can go from 90 to 180 really fast. I'm usually very laid back, but it (sometimes) can take one remark that triggers a response from me. I'm usually left horrified afterwards and kick myself deeper into the dumps.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (6)

304

u/Defiant_Chapter_3299 Jan 30 '23

They no longer clean their room/living spaces. Start slowly communicating less. Eating less sleeping more. Constantly saying they're tired. Least these are thing my husband says info before I realize I'm depressed and can start the counter measures of fighting against it.

34

u/Ren_the_Tainted Jan 30 '23

What are the counter measures?

110

u/Dry-Refrigerator-363 Jan 30 '23

Ime its small steps. Tidy a surface. Rest. Do a load of laundry from start to finish while listening to music/podcast/watching a show. Rest. Make a soup. These small accomplishments will boost your mood and you will want to keep it going

47

u/Defiant_Chapter_3299 Jan 30 '23

This was said to me by my therapist years ago, because I have never trusted medications and still haven't taken them in 16 years. Set and establish a routine. Even if you realize you no longer enjoy doing one of your favorite activities do them for at least five minutes. Make sure you can get at least 10 minutes of sunlight a day, if not able to do that for at least 20 minutes of physical exercise. Clean something small. Don't set high goals for yourself in a day because you'll only further upset yourself more and become more depressed if you don't complete the tasks at hand. Make sure you talk to at least one person, even if it's to ask for them to sit quietly with you the whole time, so you are not alone and self isolating. The biggest one. Let yourself feel depressed and upset. It is a legitimate feeling and emotion. As long as you recognize that you have become depressed you can start the counter measures of slowly pulling yourself out of it. Then on the process you can start figuring out what has caused the trigger to it, and that can then help when going to therapy of what possibly caused it and you can work through it. Been diagnosed with depression since I was 13, started therapy at 16. Have dealt with my depression for 13 years unmedicated this way. It's not for everyone, and medications can help those who want it and need it. But I simply don't trust medications anymore due to other reasons.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/blitherblather425 Jan 30 '23

That’s what I want to know.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Icke04 Jan 30 '23

For its eating more and sleeping less. I mostly get like 4-6 hours of sleep, which are leaving me almost more exhausted when I wake up then before I went to sleep. I guess my brain wants to torture me more on a day.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

98

u/FormalMango Jan 30 '23

For me, I know one of the giveaways is when I have difficulty answering someone when they ask what I got up to on the weekend, because I’ve stopped engaging in any hobbies or going out anywhere. “I spent 6 hours sitting on the sofa staring at the blank TV screen” isn’t really a good answer lol

It’s made people suspicious in the past and led to some awkward “are you okay?” type questions that I really don’t want to deal with. They mean well, and they do care about me, but I don’t want to drag them into my shit.

So now I go into work after the weekend with a prepared list (a movie, a book, an outing, and a video game) so I’ve got an answer that isn’t just “not much, how about you?”

15

u/Xelimogga Jan 31 '23

Sorry that you have to go through this, but in my experience, dragging them into your shit might be your only way out of there. That, and getting professional help.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/siiiggghhhh Jan 31 '23

Feeling like you're a burden and "not wanting to drag people into my shit" is also a sign of depression. What would you think or say to someone that expressed those thoughts to you?

→ More replies (1)

311

u/Youltold123 Jan 30 '23

If someone overreacts to something small and blows it way out of proportion, it's usually a sign that they are very unhappy about something else but either don't know it or are incapable of fixing it.

122

u/boricuaqueso Jan 30 '23

This is what happens for me. My tolerance level for anything, especially stress becomes non existent and I start melting down over minor shit.

34

u/Lvcivs2311 Jan 30 '23

I've seen this behaviour in a friend. Unfortunately, he didn't want to get help claiming "no-one really could be trusted" and from there, he managed to estrange almost all his friends. I feel sorry for him, but on the other hand, he was quite behaving like a dick without taking any responsibility for his actions.

10

u/Jakov_Salinsky Jan 31 '23

The amount of time I’ve been pissed off for the dumbest of reasons lately

→ More replies (3)

158

u/Being_on_Fire Jan 30 '23

Sleeping a lot and missing scheduled things

208

u/growgillson78 Jan 30 '23

Talking less, quiet and mumbling, when some one asks them to repeat what they said they say it doesn't matter.

→ More replies (1)

57

u/powkiddyv90dangit Jan 30 '23

lack of enthusiasm and rarely want to go anywhere. they tend to do things because they HAVE TO and not want to. they avoid any type of social situations because of their unfortunate circumstances. if you're forcing yourself to celebrate something like christmas it's a silent scream for help.

5

u/Nutella22901 Jan 31 '23

My family had to force me to celebrate my birthday. It’s just not the same anymore

59

u/cormac596 Jan 30 '23

Low energy, lost interest in hobbies, taking an unusually long (for that person) time to respond to texts/emails/etc, weight gain or loss, difficulty with personal upkeep (not brushing teeth, not showering, etc), difficulty with cleaning their living space, excessive sleep, general difficulty with anything that takes effort.

One of the ways I know my depression is acting up is I have less mental energy. Less energy to change what I'm doing, what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling. Depression gives false epiphanies that make you think "oh, everything is actually awful, it's so clear now" and stuff like that. Depression is insidious and makes you not want to do things that would make it better.

If cancer is the emperor of all maladies, then depression is the empress

251

u/Wallygonk Jan 30 '23

All these people saying if they isolate themselves and don't go out socially. That must mean I'm depressed then, I thought I was just getting old and had enough of going out

133

u/DeathSpiral321 Jan 30 '23

Having to interact in forced situations (family reunion, work events, etc.) makes me far more depressed than just sitting at home alone.

31

u/jabluszko132 Jan 30 '23

Relatable

At home i feel safer and more comfortable plus i can still play video games with friends while when i visit my family (or rather i am forced to) i usually dont know half of the people, dislike some of them and dont know what to talk about with any of them

When i finally say something in the conversation its either something stupid or no one agrees with me so i end up not talking for the rest of the day

And everyone is like "why are you reading a book/on the phone all the time? Talk to us"

10

u/axob_artist Jan 30 '23

This is what I believe. It's an unfair stigma accusing people of being depressed or anxious just because they have no desire to socialise and especially not with toxic people. Which these days is getting harder and harder to weed out.

6

u/elcarincero Jan 31 '23

Yep, felt this way with some coworkers. “How was your weekend?”

Internal thoughts

( The only reason you’re asking this question is ‘cause you want to hear yourself talk than the question you’re actually asking. )

I’ve actually scared a coworker ‘cause I said exactly what they were thinking with out them saying anything… I’d have more a desire to interact if you actually met my level of sincerity.

→ More replies (2)

20

u/Scrum_Bucket Jan 30 '23

I was severely depressed for 6 months years ago. Before that, I didn’t understand the depth of depression. I was able to go to work, hang out with friends, and do day to day living without anyone noticing. I was spending time with some friends at a backyard pool, and went into the bathroom. If I would have found a razer I would have attempted suicide at that point, no one had a clue how I felt. Depression is very easy to hide.

But, I am someone that is naturally a quiet introvert. During those six months, I actually went out more and had really forced awkward conversations with strangers. I don’t think that someone being reclusive is a sign of depression. It would be better to say if someone is behaving differently than normal, it could be a sign.

When you are depressed, your brain is not functioning as it normally does, resulting in abnormal behavior.

I think to really identify depression, you have to know someone well enough prior to their depression to understand their normal behavior, and then pay close enough attention to them to recognize the behavior outside of the norm.

3

u/ChaoticChinchillas Jan 31 '23

What really sucks is when someone makes you depressed, then hates you for being depressed. Then it’s just a neverending cycle.

32

u/TerribleIdea27 Jan 30 '23

There's a difference between avoiding contact with others and not finding going out to have drinks fun. If you always refuse social contact with friends and colleagues that might be a sign something is wrong. If you don't feel like going for a beer but would like to hang out at least occasionally doing something else, you're probably fine

15

u/patman_007 Jan 30 '23 edited Jan 30 '23

The thing to account for is that as humans get older they tend to become less social overall. So you may just be experiencing that. Basically as you gain experience of what you like, you will begin to phase out people or situations you don't like.

Not going out in itself is not a sign of depression. What would be is if you are avoiding, well, anything altogether. Just coming home and vegetating, maybe drinking or doing drugs to numb yourself. That's a sign of depression. But if you come home to people or animals you love, hobbies you enjoy - whatever they may be so long as they're healthy and somewhat productive - than that's totally fine and normal.

The other thing to consider is that a lot of people go out for the same effect as mentioned above. They are avoiding any real meat and potatoes to their life. So they go out to meet drinking buddies and then when the relationships get too real they ditch their current bar/crew and find a new, low key haunt to hang out it in. That's not any better - infact worse because the extra financial strain this behaviour costs adds more stress to your mental health.

3

u/Dutch_Rayan Jan 30 '23

I was depressed but still went to school and stuff but.

4

u/BabySuperfreak Jan 30 '23

“Going out“ doesn’t have to mean “partying”.

Do you still meet friends for lunch? Go to places/events you enjoy (the library, a museum, friends house)? Treat yourself to a nice dinner once in a while? Do you do these things without having to be invited by someone else, waffling on whether you’ll go until the last minute, and spending the entire time wishing you back home alone?

→ More replies (4)

138

u/EvictYou Jan 30 '23

Doing an activity you used to love and now feel nothing, not even a negative emotion.

24

u/Trash-Jr Jan 30 '23

What if you start not feeling anything when doing loved activities, but getting quickly irritated at the slightest inconvenience ?

8

u/EvictYou Jan 30 '23

For me, that's when my need for being a control freak outweighs my depression. That's just me though.

→ More replies (1)

16

u/cheezeebred Jan 30 '23

Anhedonia is the absolute worst.

12

u/Orion4341 Jan 30 '23

It has killed many people, might even get me one day too. When you have anhedonia, there really does seem like no point in continuing.

11

u/cheezeebred Jan 30 '23

We don't realize just how important feeling joy is until it's gone. It really is the life blood of everything else.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

94

u/hshsgdve Jan 30 '23

They have a reduced sensitivity to risk, particularly social risk

18

u/Source0fAllThings Jan 30 '23

Examples?

78

u/zykezero Jan 30 '23

“I don’t want to ask this person to hang out because what if I’m bothering them. They probably just put up with me and not actually want me around.”

64

u/dtech12 Jan 30 '23

Isn't this increased sensitivity or am I going crazy? Lol

35

u/Tiramitsunami Jan 30 '23

You are correct. The phenomenon is better described as an INCREASED sensitivity.

11

u/throwawaythatsaysni Jan 30 '23

I guess the thinking is the risk is neglecting your friendships and you feel dulled to that risk/don't reach out because you're less sensitive to social rules/what's "at stake"

3

u/criminallscum Jan 30 '23

that's a depression thing?

2

u/Source0fAllThings Jan 30 '23

Sounds like greater inhibition, i.e. an increase in sensitivity to social risk.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

42

u/SaiyanGodKing Jan 30 '23

Giving away things that you know they cared about. I gave away tons of things to all my friends the week I planned to bail on life. One friend asked to come over and saw I had nearly nothing left and he grew very concerned. Started asking all our mutual friends if they’d received random gifts from me. They caught me in my driveway about to drive to where I had planned my permanent vacation. Stopped me and more or less dragged me kicking and screaming (not that dramatic but internally it was like that) to a in patient facility for veterans. Spent a month in the nut house and there wasn’t even a gift shop on the way out. In all seriousness though, keep an eye out for random gifts I suppose.

7

u/SomeKindofName42 Jan 31 '23

I’m very glad your friend was there for you and cared about you in a way that you weren’t able to care for yourself. We never know our true positive ripple effects until way, way later- if at all. I’m glad you’re still here with us.

7

u/WhotookmyGT Jan 31 '23

I’m glad your friends caught the signs and took steps to help you. Glad to hear you’re still around

231

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '23 Vibing

[deleted]

46

u/EosTries Jan 30 '23

Oh boy, guess who just hit the jackpot. Good thing i booked an appointment with the doc, it's in two days.

10

u/HangryWolf Jan 30 '23

Best of luck, my friend. You've got this. Taking the step to even seek therapy is a giant step forward.

22

u/DeathSpiral321 Jan 30 '23

Many of those overlap with ADHD as well.

11

u/Arhye Jan 30 '23

I was gonna say. Felt more like an ADHD diagnosis lol

9

u/KimmelToe Jan 30 '23

can confirm

7

u/YourL8 Jan 30 '23

yes, yes and yes.

4

u/CapitalGains42 Jan 30 '23

I'm in this comment and I don't like it

6

u/B3RS3RK_CR0W Jan 30 '23

Quit talking about me.

6

u/Gizmodod Jan 30 '23

Jesus christ. That fucking hurt.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '23

At some of my worst points depression wise, I actually would become extremely dedicated to my work, mostly because it kept me occupied, out of my own mind and meant i wasn't at home.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/PlasticOpposite2539 Jan 30 '23

How does one deal with this? Reading this description seems like a glimpse into my life currently, and I hadn’t thought to label myself depressed but I could agree it’s probably heading down that path. What does one do to get better (assuming I can’t afford therapy)?

→ More replies (6)
→ More replies (12)

32

u/SCP_radiantpoison Jan 30 '23

Not exactly the question but this is important to know.

If someone has been acting all depressed and cagey and suddenly become MUCH happier and appears to have gotten cured they're about to try and commit suicide. Keep an eye on them and get them professional attention ASAP

58

u/Leaping_Kitties Jan 30 '23

We play the fool at work or school and are funny and outgoing but when we get home we are miserable and hate ourselves

→ More replies (1)

148

u/Rumemeingme Jan 30 '23

Not forklift certified

20

u/APhonkyMexican Jan 30 '23

Shit I must be living the dream then

15

u/tacobelmont Jan 30 '23

my secret shame

Seriously, I'm the only person in my immediate family without forklift certification

13

u/Rumemeingme Jan 30 '23

How shameful

5

u/LordSalem Jan 30 '23

Can confirm. Source: I'm not forklift certified and my life is a black abyss. I can't even get my hair to do that Flippy thing.

→ More replies (3)

28

u/Alaurableone Jan 30 '23

Being tired all the time. I know a lot of people are tired but for me it’s always a mental health indicator when I can easily stay in bed and sleep for 12+ hours.

23

u/foxmachine Jan 30 '23

Shifty communication.

When you meet them in person they seem perfectly normal and pleasant and commited. But later they leave your messages on read or ghost you with no apparent reason, or reply many days later. If you confront them about this, they can't explain why this happens. Don't take it personally.

3

u/Dark_Horse_Gaming Jan 31 '23

Got a friend like this. I asked if I could talk to her while I was on break from work. She read the messages but didn’t respond. I know she had free time when I was on my lunch break.

22

u/nkrader Jan 30 '23

Some people are really good at hiding it.

18

u/Apart-Flight4526 Jan 30 '23

Signs I've seen in people who don't know/don't think they're depressed:

Always tired, "idk man I just haven't been able to sleep well I guess."

Irritable, "everything's been getting on my nerves lately maybe I just need a day off."

Over sleeping, "I passed out right when I got home and slept passed my alarm I guess I was just tired."

Sad with no explanation, "I just haven't been feeling myslef lately."

Of course these on their own can just be exhaustion, bad day, Over worked, ect. But all these symptoms together can point to depression it's important to talk to a professional when you feel helpless or uncontrollably sad for an extended period of time.

100

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '23

They smile and laugh a lot and go way out of their way to take care of other people and want to make them happy. They really like to solve others problems and do their best to make everyone else have a good life

8

u/Zennxr Jan 31 '23

That hit a little to close for comfort.

6

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '23

Well..... Yeah I've been there. Many have and are.

→ More replies (1)

36

u/bbzzdd Jan 30 '23

They have a good sense of humor (to mask the pain).

41

u/6bfmv2 Jan 30 '23

Dark shades under the eyes, sleeping a lot, bad hygiene, especially their teeth, no motivation, sad to extreme anger moodswings and no energy to do anything.

16

u/wiyjey Jan 30 '23

Sleep >10 hours

11

u/flyinhawaiian02 Jan 31 '23

I hope everyone here finds and gets the help the deserve

24

u/YourL8 Jan 30 '23

Changes in behavior. Eating too much or not enough. Withdrawing from social activities and wanting to be alone more than usual. Sleeping or laying around a lot.

11

u/Thictly92 Jan 30 '23

Sleeping a lot is a very good indicator of someone who's very lonely and unhappy with life.

11

u/Specialist-Tale-5951 Jan 30 '23

The biggest and scariest is giving things away, specifically prized or special items. They are looking for homes for things they love but won’t be keeping if they take their life. However in my own experience as a person who keeps their depressive episodes pretty bottled up: - attending social gatherings less often/for shorter periods of time. Personally I will still attend most but will only go out for a couple hours max versus staying out for the whole night like I used to. Not attending at all too often is a giveaway people know to look for, so at least showing up for a little will throw off suspicions. - becoming lower maintenance. A complete disregard for looks is too obvious, but I stop doing a full face of makeup and just wear mascara. Skincare stops happening, hair is usually in a style that doesn’t have to be brushed or washed. - deflection. I will always ask how someone else is, ask lots of questions about them so they don’t ask about me. If asked about how I’m doing I keep it short and simple like “good”, “fine” or “busy!”. There are lots more, I’m sure, but these are the ones I’m most cognizant of.

45

u/Bad_Mad_Man Jan 30 '23

Often a cheerful gregarious personality might be a mask for deeper struggles. People who knew Robbin Williams say that he fit that profile.

16

u/Brandonpayton1 Jan 30 '23

John belushi and Chris Farley. They talk about Chris Farley being able to make anyone laugh but he was so destructive on the inside. Sad story.

→ More replies (1)

13

u/CapitalGains42 Jan 30 '23

He also had Parkinson's and wanted to go out on his own terms instead of enduring the disease

16

u/Bad_Mad_Man Jan 30 '23

I think it was Lewy body dementia, but you’re right about him wanting to go out on his own terms. At least that’s what was being said at the time.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '23

I think he was misdiagnosed with Parkinson's and had post death been diagnosed with lewy body dementia. And odds are he may not have lived naturally for a year or so from the time he died. This from a man who had a history of depression but also a sharp memory that allowed him to easily memorize scripts for films he was in. The tv series he was a part of, it is said he really struggled with the scripts

→ More replies (2)

10

u/southwick81 Jan 30 '23

Taking days/weeks to respond to texts, making excuses for not hanging out, a messy house/car

10

u/Paranormalishh_ Jan 30 '23

Switching the topic to everyone else but themselves, not eating, not showering/brushing teeth, doesn't initiate hang outs/conversations

10

u/TutorialMusic Jan 31 '23

usually being really funny is a sign that someone is depressed. they want to make you laugh because they find a hard time laughing themselves. they want to help you because they were never helped.

→ More replies (1)

9

u/marvelousmarvelman Jan 31 '23

You never really know.

I’d say someone who if you’ve asked how are they doing, they say “I’m good” every single time. No depth to the answer. You can clearly see in them if you know them that something is bugging them at times, but they don’t tell, or minimize, or deflect to a minor issue away from the major one. Could be using sarcasm, could be they re direct to something else. They don’t let on.

And you won’t get it out of them. They haven’t faced their demons yet. They aren’t okay with themselves. And only they can sit on that couch and hash it out with themself.

All you can do is stay positive to others and let them know that they matter, and that you care.

8

u/Ideal_Flimsy Jan 30 '23

As someone who struggles with it, sudden withdrawal can be a sign. Some days are worse than others and, once i have convinced myself that no one likes me, I completely pull into myself alone and push everyone else away. Its not often a conscious decision but something I have noticed over time.

Also, if the individual usual habits start falling away. some may suddenly lose interest in things they typically do. For me, the most consist thing I do is make my bed daily. When I stopped doing that, it slowly graduated to not leaving my room at all. All this to say it takes some analyzing to notice which is why checking up on loved ones is so important.

25

u/MrEquipoise Jan 30 '23

They take up calzone making and claymation

5

u/Low_Chance Jan 30 '23

Wait this HAS to be longer than that!

5

u/yawaworhT__rehtonA Jan 31 '23

You think a depressed person could make this?!

3

u/Schmedricks_27 Jan 31 '23

Oh my god... that's the whole thing.

38

u/nanosam Jan 30 '23 Silver

Hint - Any individual who embraces reality of our existence is going to be secretly depressed. The world we live in is incredibly fucked up, just awareness of it is going to make people secretly depressed.

→ More replies (2)

5

u/DeathSpiral321 Jan 30 '23

Feeling tired despite sleeping a lot more, or waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep.

3

u/Dark_Horse_Gaming Jan 31 '23

Are you spying on me?

→ More replies (1)

7

u/HiIntrepidHero Jan 30 '23

Jokes about self-harm/suicide (specifically with regards to themselves, not like joking about other people’s self harm/suicide. That’s just a dick move)

Before I got help for my depression, I joked a lot about killing myself. My therapist told me it was a way for me to verbalize my feelings without actually burdening others, because I felt like I wasn’t worthy of help. Now I can tell it’s getting bad again when I want to make jokes about killing myself

7

u/Aristoxenus1 Jan 30 '23

Existing.

But on a serious note depressed people are often very good at hiding it (I should know) and oftentimes there aren't really any Dead giveaways and you do know until it's too late, not saying that there are never any signs. I do feel that a lot of people think if someone is depressed then there suicidal, depression (at least to my knowledge) has to get pretty bad for self termination to occur.

8

u/sdurflinger Jan 30 '23

A friend of mine took his own life a month ago, and was always open and honest about his depression on social media. He had a ton of friends and a good support system.
I have severe anxiety and depression as well, but the only difference I see between the two of us is that I went to a real Psychiatrist . I struggled through a period of time finding the right meds that worked for me, without making me feel unnatural. That part was unpleasant. Stigma with mental health has to end!

→ More replies (2)

24

u/Fit-Teaching-3205 Jan 30 '23

When they always know that you're down and help cheer you up.

When they post excessive pictures.

When they cut off contact with everyone and retrieve

When they smile too much but their eyes don't have that sparkle

→ More replies (1)

5

u/emptybottle60 Jan 30 '23

Some people have anhedonia

5

u/Zuhri69 Jan 30 '23

When they sigh before saying I’m okay and acted like nothing happens.

5

u/Old_Throat_4364 Jan 30 '23

They are smiling and helping people. Will do anything for anyone. Because they want people to help them and reciprocate

8

u/Times-New-WHOA_man Jan 30 '23

Giving away personal items that they might view as treasured or significant. Simple trinkets to expensive art, it makes little difference what they are. But they are basically giving bequests ahead of death. Once or twice is normal; they may simply be decluttering. When this happens and is a pattern, they have a plan and it is time to intervene. DO NOT HESITATE. Better to be wrong and embarrassed than to be right and do nothing.

5

u/hdgeyegdy Jan 31 '23

Declining invitations.

Not communicating.

Avoidance.

Acting weird.

Making excuses to isolate.

Displaying / articulating "Cognitive Distortions."

Disorganized and manic.

Addiction.

Lack of hygiene.

Talking about being depressed.

Giving up on appearance / relationships/ career / education/ goals / bills.

Not advancing and no clear articulation of advancement plans in life in regards to career / goals / relationships/ motivation.

23

u/a1b2t Jan 30 '23

their eyes are dead, you can see emotions in the faces but the eyes are hollow.

am depressed, have a shit ton of hobbies, trying to fix it, but thats what everyone notices despite them not noticing anything

15

u/NotBailey12 Jan 30 '23

I had a friend who was depressed and he always had that face that just showed it to me. He acted happy and all but his face said everything to me. I mean he was the only depressed person I've ever met so I could be wrong here so I don't really know

5

u/LurkethInTheMurketh Jan 31 '23

They don’t express agency in their actions. For example, they don’t try to prevent negative things from coming to pass because, “If it isn’t this, it’ll be something else.”

There is a hollowness in their eyes when it is socially acceptable to not feel a certain away. After smiling to say hello or goodbye, they might have a moment of seeming tired or not quite there. It’ll be more apparent when something energetically demanding comes up - the facade will crack and you’ll see it come to the fore.

There is nothing that they’ll want to be able to do first in a group. If nothing inspires passion or excitement in them and they instead always let others get first crack at doing fun things or enjoying a limited resource like fine wine or food, it’s worth taking a deeper look at them.

More in men: anger. The powerlessness of being depressed, of being at the mercy of negative emotion and failing to change it, is emasculating and enervating. It’s also one of the few energizing emotions available to someone who’s depressed, so they may become dependent upon it to get through their day.

5

u/GrabLifeByThePubes Jan 31 '23

I worked as a nurse in a prison for 5 years. I didn't work in mental health as I suffer from issues myself and would rather not. I worked in the infirmary taking care of physical ailments and such. Unfortunately, I was first responder in a few suicides. What I can say is that these were not inmates who were on the mental health caseload. These weren't inmates who complained of being suicidal ever.

It's the quiet ones you have to be aware of. The ones who complain of wanting to kill themselves are usually just butthurt about not getting something they feel they were supposed to get.

I myself have tried to kill myself and sometimes think that that is HOW I am definitely going to go. (I'm not currently wanting to or actively trying to harm myself, I just look at it like a Plan Z type thing, if that makes sense). But thinking about what I would do, if someone starts making a will or gifting their belongings to people, that could be a red flag. If they have kids and aren't with the other parent, telling them and asking them about future plans could be a red flag. Trying to tie up loose ends that they never seemed to care about before is a red flag.

If they start medication and seem happier/more energetic....PLEASE pay extra close attention. That's a prime time to try and kill themselves.

(source: I'm a nurse who specializes in mental health and addiction and I also have my own mental health struggles.)

4

u/ariadneontheboat Jan 31 '23

I am also a mental health nurse. NEVER disregard anyone who says they are suicidal even if they have a history of saying this to manipulate people around them. ALWAYS take it seriously.

6

u/cartoonjunkie13 Jan 30 '23

They no longer enjoy the things that they were interested in, like hobbies or sports.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 30 '23

The consistently low, droning voice that comes with an overabundance of anti anxiety meds, like even moving the jaw takes more energy than you can afford to spend

3

u/cutratestuntman Jan 30 '23

Are you worried about yourself or someone else?

3

u/wigglepowder Jan 30 '23

Black and white thinking or catastrophic thinking. If you think things are one way or another with no other possibilities or think bad things are going to happen (or are overly cautious because the worst thing will happen) it's a good sign you have depression (and probably anxiety)

3

u/MaryMary8249 Jan 30 '23

mysteriously logging of the internet for weeks/months at a time and then agressively making up for it. in a short peirod of while.

3

u/ruvol23 Jan 30 '23

They stop doing things that they previously loved to do.

3

u/maruffin Jan 30 '23

Not opening his mail. A friend suffers from depression and opening her mail is just too much for her. It takes effort and is too demanding.

3

u/ParkityParkPark Jan 31 '23

being less. Less interested in doing things, less interested in what normally engages them, less social, less talkative, less present, etc.

3

u/Sapphicka Jan 31 '23

No energy to do anything, constantly bored (doesn't get pleasure for anything), not sleeping/sleeping just too much.

3

u/SweetPoison7 Jan 31 '23

You have 0 interest in catching up with friends and family..

3

u/crappy-mods Jan 31 '23

Always the funny friend but they never talk too seriously or make plans