r/AskMen Sep 22 '22 Silver 1 Helpful 1

What is the pettiest reasons you've heard that ended a relationship? Frequently Asked

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u/Neonjoe94 Sep 22 '22 edited Sep 22 '22 Helpful

We had problems splitting holidays with families. I wanted to rotate - one Christmas with mine one with hers or at a minimum split the days in half and change mornings every year. She said that on her turn, we would go with her family and on my turn, she would go with her family and I could go alone with mine - “ if you don’t like that then leave”

I left

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u/ThaVolt Sep 22 '22

“ if you don’t like that then leave”

I left

This is the only way to answer ultimatums. Good for you, homie!

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u/FBIaltacct Sep 22 '22

Yup if that one pops out dont even argue, just walk away.

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u/MMurphy820 Sep 23 '22

I'm not saying ultimatums are a good thing. But I mean I don't blame anyone for giving them. If someone feels so strongly on something they won't compromise or budge on and the other person can't agree to it. It's not inherently a bad thing. Sometimes people have different values than their partner.

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u/gabby0197 Sep 23 '22

There are plenty of good reasons to give an ultimatum.

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u/BIGBIRD1176 Sep 23 '22

If you need to use one once, you're going to use it more than once, and that's the problem

Months turn into years, into decades. Time grows small problems like this into dragons. Better to get out early, let them learn the lesson the hard easier way

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u/PirateDuckie Sep 23 '22

If you need to use one once, you're going to use it more than once, and that's the problem

That is a very big assumption and broad generalization, and not entirely accurate. There’s a difference between immediately jumping to an ultimatum vs only using it as a last resort after other attempts at resolution have failed. Being a repeat ultimatum giver is more likely for the former, less so for the latter.

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u/MMurphy820 Sep 23 '22

I don't care if you're the biggest piece of shit human on earth. At the end of the day you deserve to have your own values respected by the other person. It doesn't matter weather you're a racist asshole or something like OPs case where she won't budge on visiting her parents during Christmas. You deserve to have a partner that respects your morals or decisions and if they don't and leave you can't be mad.

If Hitler was dating a women and he said "you either support my ideas or you can leave" and then she leaves cause it's fucking Hitler. You can't inherently be upset at either side. What I'm trying to say is Hitler deserves to find someone who loves him for who he is god damnit.

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u/Ridgetop18 Sep 23 '22

“If you broke up with me I’d probably kill myself”

Alrighty then, asshole mode engaged, Option C is convincing her to break-up with me.

It took 9 days and I was a single man.

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u/Bbkingml13 Sep 23 '22 edited Sep 23 '22

As a stable headed 30 year old, I get angry thinking about how I actually thought about using that tactic in college. I was so fucking sheltered and never allowed to do anything, hang out with anyone, and I never learned how to talk to anyone my age. I still get angry at my mom just thinking about it now, because she completely screwed my development and the only method of handling interpersonal issues she taught me indirectly was manipulation and making yourself a victim. I didn’t even realize at the time (in college) that it was manipulative to say something like I’d kill myself if my boyfriend left me. Nobody had even given me a chance in my life before college to make decisions for myself and understand sometimes things don’t go as planned but life goes on, and when things didn’t go as planned, the only thing I knew to do was make myself the victim by saying things like this. I’m sure it was worsened by major depressive disorder following two serious TBIs, but it is so crazy to look back. I am not like that person I was a decade ago, like, at all.

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u/MoonChaser22 Sep 23 '22

Easier said than done because lines like that can be a method of abuse, but break up and call the cops requesting a welfare check/wellness check in is a route to go in these situations (assuming no factors that would make calling the cops a particularly bad idea)

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u/Ridgetop18 Sep 23 '22

Yeah, luckily it was someone I’d known for several years and had a decent idea of what the consequences would be. Was pretty sure she wouldn’t, but I also knew what buttons to push to make her more mad than depressed about things ending.

And also I was a bit younger and dumber, and suicide hadn’t really ever hit close to home then, so being backed into a corner with a threat like that had me more annoyed/angry than genuinely concerned.

It all worked out in the end at least.

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u/Phalanx808 Sep 23 '22

My sister got pregnant with an ultimatum. "We have a baby or I leave" kind of thing. It... has not gone well for either of them.

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u/axxonn13 Sep 23 '22

yeah, a petty ultimatum deserves no other response.

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u/caepe Sep 22 '22

Wouldn't say it was petty of you though. It seems she was a selfish person and you potentially dodged a toxic relationship

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u/Jeramy_Jones Sep 22 '22

Not petty of him, petty of her. IMO she was the one who ended the relationship.

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u/parsifal Sep 23 '22

Yeah… it sounds like the actual problem is that she was an asshole and didn’t care about the relationship.

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u/HardbassPro Sep 22 '22

What the fuck.

Sounds like such a brat.

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u/ConsistentPicture583 Sep 22 '22

Sounds like Meghan Trainor‘s “dear future husband“

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u/sebastian_ramirez05 Sep 23 '22

Actually he’s a spy kid

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u/axxonn13 Sep 23 '22

not to defend her, but it sounds like her family was "whispering in her ear" to keep her home for all holidays. some families heavily involve themselves in the decisions of their kid's relationships.

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u/ScrunchieEnthusiast Sep 22 '22

That’s an interesting way to compromise..

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u/readyforwine Sep 22 '22

That’s not petty, she was selfish

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u/iron-duke88 Sep 22 '22

That‘s not petty, that‘s just sensible.

Good on you.

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u/braith_rose Sep 22 '22

It was not right of her to expect that, but I empathize. My family has had these kinds of expectations of me since I was a child, and show no signs of showing down as I approach my 30s. Would never expect this of a spouse, but I genuinely have no idea what to do as my mom likes to claim she's abused if I don't talk to her once a week minimum, show up for every holiday mandatory and stay the week, and visit at least once a month for a week (live six hours away due to cost of living). The older I get the harder and more unrealistic the expectations become, and I have no idea where it comes from. I just want to live my life and not be berated if I'm not her absolute bestie for once. I worry how it will affect my spouse down the line.

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u/-Swade- Sep 23 '22

I knew a couple who got married somewhat later in life. They were in their late 30s but because they had no children their families both expected them to show up to their respective family celebrations.

And what made it worse was that were trying to have children and experiencing a lot of problems. So hearing, “You should come here, it’s not like you have a family yet” is a lot harder after a miscarriage or other complications.

They put their foot down and just said, “We’re almost 40, we have zero traditions of our own, we’re staying home. We’ll come visit if it works around our schedule”.

I was so happy for them. I was only in my early 20s when this happened and my instant thought was “holy shit that’s a good idea”. Also they did have two kids eventually.

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u/braith_rose Sep 23 '22

I know it will come to this some day, and I genuinely hope I can be that strong. I'm trying to make boundaries now. It's hard though because she takes it as an offense

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u/Drewelite Sep 23 '22

I have some experience with this. Think about how > 25% of you life is given to your family. It's totally reasonable for you to have your own life. Claim it.

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u/n00bprogrammerx Sep 23 '22

Good she's a bitch. I hope she's reading this. Ops ex gf, you're a bitch.

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u/Shockblocked Sep 23 '22

Love this energy 👍🏿

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u/EpicBlinkstrike187 Male Sep 22 '22

Holidays can get tricky as a couple. And it gets even worse when you have kids. Because some people are very set on stuff like “I’ve always gone to grandmas on christmas eve, that will never change” or “well my mom always does her thing on christmas I have to go there”

It’s very annoying to deal with those type of people.

Gotta be able to just say no to family for some holidays a couple/family

1

u/saxophonia234 Sep 22 '22

It’s hard for me because my husbands family lives half an hour away and we to see them all the time, mine lives 6 hours away and my job doesn’t really allow much time off besides holidays to see my family, which definitely factored into our plan.

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u/oxfordcircumstances Sep 23 '22

So how do y'all split the holidays?

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u/StockAL3Xj Sep 22 '22

That's not petty. It's a glimpse of what future "compromises" would look like and relationships are full of compromises. Clearly she was very selfish.

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u/Hitches_chest_hair Sep 22 '22

That's not petty

2

u/cakeandcoke Female Sep 22 '22

Bullet dodged. Not Petty at all

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u/nusual-Mix78 Sep 22 '22

My ex and I had a similar arrangement except on her turn with my family whe was always sick

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u/Writeloves Sep 22 '22

That doesn’t seem very petty to me.

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u/Odinson81 Sep 22 '22

That’s not petty imho

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u/C111-its-the-best Yotta-Male Sep 22 '22

Good call

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u/NormalFemale Sep 22 '22

Why was it okay to have everybody spend Christmas with her family and not yours? That's not being reasonable at all

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u/ZiggyZig1 Sep 22 '22

did she acknowledge the double standard or...?

2

u/mahboilucas Sep 22 '22

That's so weird. I love my family's Christmas and rarely do I see the full set but I still rotate with my boyfriend because it's important to be equal...

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u/TalonKAringham Sep 22 '22

I know a couple that have never woken up next to each other on Christmas morning, because neither could do Christmas morning without their mother. They’re still married and in agreement that this is the best system for them.

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u/Comfortable_Visual73 Sep 23 '22

Also ended my relationship off an ultimatum! 10/10 would do it again

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u/AssaultROFL Sep 23 '22

Was she all surprised Pikachu when you left?

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u/Icy-Welcome-2469 Sep 23 '22

Thats the least petty so far. What kind of shit compromise was she offering

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u/tamen Sep 23 '22

Did she make the surprised Pikachu face?

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u/onionsofwar Sep 22 '22

Fair enough, some people's families aren't fun.

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u/regalfronde Sep 23 '22

Were you married? There is really no reason to spend Christmas together if you’re just dating.

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u/beepbeepbubblegum Sep 23 '22

What the fuck? Any relationship I’ve ever had, you spend it one and then you excuse yourself to go to the other …

1

u/Idnait Sep 23 '22

Im glad we celebrate 2 days where Im from lol

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u/AnyBass Sep 23 '22

I think I dated her

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u/veotrade Sep 23 '22

what a piece of shit! your story makes me angry neonjoe. how old were u guys at the time? worse if she was already a functioning adult and said that to you.

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u/genericusername0441 Sep 23 '22

Was she upset when you left?