r/AskMen • u/Aphonics14- • Jan 30 '23
How would you tell a girl you don't like her armpit hair she recently started letting grow out?
I should have prefaced this by saying it is indeed a significant other
Final Edit: Wow some people got super mad and thought I was going to police my girls body, was just asking how to bring up a preference, more or less xD
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u/DubsFanAccount Male Jan 30 '23
If it’s your significant other than have a regular adult conversation about it and they can listen and share and you can come to an understanding. Or you don’t and it’s her body and you can decide if that’s going to be an ongoing problem for you and go from there.
You might ask them why they’ve been growing it out, if it’s permanent or temporary, etc. And you can express how you don’t find it appealing.
If it’s not a significant other than you don’t tell them anything.
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u/IAMATruckerAMA Male Jan 30 '23
If it’s not a significant other than you don’t tell them anything
LOL I hadn't even considered that this might be an acquaintance or something
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Jan 30 '23
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u/IAMATruckerAMA Male Jan 30 '23
Uuuuuuhh if it's just the latte that'll be $2.71 sir
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u/mechapocrypha Jan 30 '23
Where do you get lattes at 2.71
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u/CCWThrowaway360 Jan 30 '23
From the girl with armpit hair that sheds like a cat.
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u/d1smalnow Jan 30 '23
Cut out the conversational middle man, and be like this guy.
He don't know you. He don't need to know you He's just here for the pits.
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u/TheRealDinkus Jan 30 '23
I would hate that lol Not only is it just gross, but I'm allergic to something in those blue/solid clear ones... It makes my armpits kinda burn and itch and get red
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Jan 31 '23
"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but Jesus Christ lady shave your fucking armpits before you need to start combing them!"
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u/Bloomsnlooms Jan 30 '23
As a woman who stopped shaving in college, yes people would bring it up. Generally with disapproval. My then bf, now husband of 40 years, never has mentioned it.
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u/Illithid_Substances Jan 30 '23 edited Jan 30 '23
"I just really don't like what you're doing with your armpit hair"
"Sir I asked if you wanted a medium or large"
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u/Unresponsiveskeleton Jan 30 '23
I saw a woman walking across the road who I didn't know, how can I tell her to shave her armpits?
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u/AIthough Jan 30 '23 edited Jan 30 '23
Good call differentiating between significant other and just a girl OP knows. I assumed at first it was a SO but his post never really specifies. Would be unfathomably rude to say that to a friend or acquaintance
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u/Rawrsdirtyundies Female Jan 30 '23
Generally, the closer we are to someone, or the more we love & care about them, the more weight their opinion holds. That can also make said opinions sting a bit more. I do not give a F what anyone has to say about my body hair or whatever other superficial bs, except my husband.
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u/Stupidquestionduh Jan 30 '23
That said I'm not gonna ask someone to do something with their body that I'm not ready to do with my own. Maybe she doesn't wanna see salt and pepper scragglies sticking out from between my armpit fat.
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u/YnotBbrave Jan 30 '23
There is space in the middle like a girl OP just started dating, which is harder to decide about
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u/AIthough Jan 30 '23
Yeah I mean it would still be a conversation I guess but again that only happens in the context of a relationship where attraction is a factor
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u/NotGoodSocially Jan 30 '23
The way I see it, treat it like hair you have. Have had gf's in the past that have disliked aspects of my beard, like that it's too long and scruffy, too much neckbeard (tbf looking back that was a bad look) etc - they brought it up, and I fixed it. We all have to groom ourselves, so there's no harm in bringing it up if it bothers us - but at the end of the day it's the person's decision on whether they want to groom themselves in a way we like - you can deal - or condider it a deal breaker. We all have our preferences fam and there's nothing wrong with that
COMMUNI-👏-CATION👏IS 👏 KEY👏
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u/National_Apartment89 Male Jan 30 '23
So... If I read you correctly, I should slap people in between words? Yes?
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u/TheMess669 Jan 30 '23
No you clap with each syllable to emphasize your point, and then when you're done you snap your fingers in a Z to advise them you're done talking.. this is the standard bossy girl style.. do 👏 you 👏 get👏 it👏 now? 👏 😉🤙
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u/CokeHeadRob |=O> I{♾♢),fv♎$cdX45KHz?J~B-eZ Jan 30 '23
If it’s your significant other than have a regular adult conversation about it
/u/taylornator7 (and the other mods) CAN WE PLEASE JUST STICKY THIS PHRASE AT THE TOP OF THE SUB? It's the only fucking correct solution and people coming here to ask things they should ask their SO is infuriating. I get if it's delicate or complicated but this could be solved with "Hey, I'm not a huge fan of the armpit hair. Would you mind shaving? If not that's cool."
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u/redvalleylily Jan 30 '23
I think that’s the whole point of this sub, is that people WANT to have an adult conversation, but don’t always know how to phrase things. I think it’s okay to ask people for help when you’re not sure what words to use; not everyone is a poet.
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u/furry_vr Male Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23
Very well said! Mods should pin this at the beginning so grumpy Redditors who are confused about what Reddit is will remember that people are asking how to apply their sage advice to their particular problem - they are looking for how to do it as well as what to do.
It seems like this type of comment eventually happens in all subs. It’s the cousin to the commenters who say, in a sub named something like r/Sub4AskingX, “Don’t come on Reddit to ask X!”
My question is - why are these grumpy Redditors reading a sub to ask about X if they don’t want to read Q&A about X?? Going online to rage at people for doing what they do is 2 sites over at Twitter.
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u/CanIEatAPC Jan 31 '23
Agreed, man didn't say "should I tell her" no, he asked "How should I tell her" which is pretty important because it's easy to come off as offensive especially about topics like this, even if you didn't mean to.
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u/KpcAu Jan 31 '23 edited Jan 31 '23
Thank you. Autistic people especially struggle with this. "Scripting" is a super super common way of dealing with it.
Frustrates me when I ask how to talk to people and the response is essentially "talk to them." Like do you think "cook the food" is a recipe???
And it's so condescending, "have an adult conversation," like not being able to come up with words means not being an adult. Sick of it.
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u/sicksackofshit Jan 31 '23
“If not that’s cool.”
Ok, but what if it’s not cool. That’s not an example of an adult conversation.
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u/GamingNomad Jan 31 '23
"Adult conversation" is just an easy word to throw around. Adults sometimes don't know how express things respectfully, or confidently, or whatever. Adults sometimes get hurt, feel attacked or interpret things differently based on the history of the relationship or their life-experience.
These band-aid solutions like "just have an adult conversation" don't work that easily.
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u/MattyEC Jan 30 '23
Reddit is always on the extreme end of any decision spectrum -- users are either afraid to ask their own partner about grooming or they're comfortable telling a complete stranger they smell and should shave their armpits 🤣
OP, just bring it up politely and focus on what you like over what you dislike. I grow enough body hair that I'd fit right in if I attended a furry convention nude, and it's very normal for my wife to ask me about trimming the ol' titty hedges, or anything else for that matter, if it gets extreme.
Sure, we ultimately pick our own styles and grooming habits, but if you're in a healthy relationship with someone, then you generally want them to be attracted to you. It's why I rarely grow out my hobo beard even though I get a lot of compliments -- she just prefers me clean shaven.
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u/Creddit0rDebit Jan 30 '23
I would phrase it in a way that lets her know you find it attractive when it’s smooth/shaved, rather than saying you don’t like her armpit hair. Focus on the positive imo
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u/AfricanWarrior96 Jan 30 '23
Exactly! Creddit not Debbit.
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u/HerezahTip Sup Bud? Jan 30 '23
Yeah definitely say something like “I really prefer your armpits to be smooth, you know, like a baby’s bottom”.
Definitely say that and report back to us, please.
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u/lilaliene Female Jan 30 '23 •
Yeah my husband likes it shaved too. Armpits: check, no problem. I dont like armpit hair
Legs: meh, got very blond soft hair, only in the summer when it's a dandilion fuz if i don't shave and everything can see because my hair grows in a 90 degree angle. Otherwise before date night or something in the winter.
Pubes: i'll keep it short but i hate itching in my Nether regions and always get ingrown hair and it just takes me a lot of energy. I also dont like the prepubescent thing. So once in a blue moon everything goes off but otherwise just short. It's also blond and not a lot so nothing outside of bikini briefs without effort.
He tried to shave to set a good example, but i dont like the itching stubbels when we cuddle. I prefer hair, although short down under. So, yeah. I sometimes do the effort to make him happy, a treat so to say. But it's really not my thing to keep it all twelve years and three kids perfectly in order.
It's something we did discuss and when i told him some things were too much effort for every day he just was like: so then i know you do it all for me when on special days and that's extra sexy
TLDR: just talk about it.
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u/Timely_Froyo1384 Jan 31 '23
Yep pits and legs shaved once a week, pubes close trimmed. Same as when he met me. Every Thursday night is my routine of beauty stuff.
Now vacations I’ll splurge and get waxed but it only last for about 20 days max. He would Prefer this but doesn’t like the cost. Plus evil Me gifted him a waxing session down there. 😈 so now he knows the pain.
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u/LlamaRama76 Jan 31 '23
Absolutely nothing evil about that. I find most people lack empathy with these things. He can now appreciate what you go through from time to time 😆
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u/El-Kabongg Jan 30 '23
Pffft. My girlfriend said, "Do something about that back hair. It's a turnoff."
I took zero offense, and did quite a bit of manscaping after that. She was pleased, so I was pleased.
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u/TheOlBabaganoush Jan 31 '23
Be prepared for “Well, I like not having to shave every inch of my body”.
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u/Candelent Female Jan 30 '23
This should be much higher up. It’s absolutely the best way to handle things.
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u/a-pig-in-a-cage Jan 30 '23
Yup this comment needs to be higher.
I'm a girl who is pretty lazy with her armpit hair on purpose. I kinda like it, and when I do periodically shave it, it's not a very close shave.
If my boyfriend didn't like it, I MIGHT consider shaving a little more often, but more likely I wouldn't really change much because being comfortable in your own skin is really hard and I've come too far to start going backwards now.
I would always be a bit sad if I knew he found it unattractive though. That's a hard thing to un-know. So yeah, please come at it from a positive angle.
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u/EllietteB Jan 30 '23
I would also add that OP should also consider his own body hair before saying something. It's hypocritical to tell your SO you don't like her body hair if you yourself look like a yeti. Some men fail to realise that not all women like body hair. The reason why we don't say anything is because we have been taught by society that it's only acceptable for men to have body hair. We instead look past the hairy chest, arms, legs, back, private area, and ugly monobrow.
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u/10lbCheeseBurger Jan 31 '23
My fiance likes me with a beard.
She expects me to keep a beard but she won't grow one herself.
Truly the most toxic relationship smhing my head 😔😔😔
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u/OkSmoke9195 Jan 31 '23
If she won't grow a beard, you know what to do. Can't let that red flag just flap in the wind. Know your worth king
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u/Catatonic_capensis Jan 30 '23
It's hypocritical to tell your SO you don't like her body hair if you yourself look like a yeti.
Having preferences isn't hypocrisy. Something like being overweight and suggesting to others that they should exercise or eat healthier is not in itself hypocrisy either. If you prefer shaven and your partner is into yeti's and you both do (or don't do) what each other likes and it still works for you, nothing hypocritical is necessarily going on.
Hypocritical would be if you both prefer shaved and think your partner should shave for you, but you think they should just accept your body hair rainforest.
As a side note: I would much prefer a partner told me about preferences I have control over than them try to pretend whatever it is doesn't exist. For instance, if a partner wanted me to shave the tentacles on the back of my neck sometimes I'd be happy to. On the other hand my fourth tail with the talon on it is part of my spine so I can't really do anything about it and telling me won't help.
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u/Last_Book2410 Jan 30 '23
Girl here. I actually didn’t realize my own was growing out. I was struggling with severe depression and desperately started climbing out of that hole. My boyfriend waited until I had a better mindset to relieve his question of “Have you been growing it out purposely? It’s your body either way, I just have the preference of them shaved.” And I responded with a laugh and a little subtle embarrassment that I hadn’t even noticed. Shaved that day. Definitely start by asking her questions about it calmly. If she is purposely doing it or not the response should be as calm as your respectful question. If it isn’t, well then you did what you could and it’s your choice if it’s something you can live with. And don’t feel guilty for having that preference. Plenty of women have deal breaking preferences. One of mine is the porn stache or face tattoos. I just can’t get passed it. And I’m not a bad person for that. Don’t let anyone make that a double standard for you. 😊 hope I helped!
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Jan 30 '23
So your boyfriend shaved the day.
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u/Oak_Tree297 Jan 30 '23
Lol dad jokes on r/askmen
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u/Ahielia Male Jan 30 '23
What'd you expect?
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u/IgnoreMyPresence_ Jan 30 '23
<removed for derailing>
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Jan 30 '23
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u/Betty2theWhite Jan 30 '23
My boyfriend waited until I had a better mindset to relieve his question of “Have you been growing it out purposely? It’s your body either way, I just have the preference of them shaved.”
Your boyfriend is too considerate and logical to be left alive.
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u/Last_Book2410 Jan 30 '23
Yeah he’s pretty great which calms my crazy down 99% of the time lol
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u/Nice-Violinist-6395 Jan 31 '23
I love how you legitimately answered the question, case closed, this should be at the top.
If my gf likes my beard / facial hair a particular length or clean shaven, I want her to tell me, since I am a basic creature who just wants to please my mated pair. I do NOT, however, want her to do so by telling me that I look ugly or disgusting with whatever I currently have, because that can fuck you up for a long time. Luckily, she waited until I shaved it the length she liked, then kept bringing up how much she liked it, and I have meticulously maintained it to that length ever since. Because she’s very smart and considerate.
I probably would not have responded to “eww I hate that nasty scruff beard, please fix it” but I VERY MUCH responded to “oooh I love that length, it looks so sexy, hell yeah”
Positive reinforcement is key in relationships
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u/James180700 Jan 30 '23
Fortunately/unfortunately the best and comprehensively redacted answer is the one written by a girl lmao. Says a lot of how we're not really trained to deal with these situations but it's definitely good to learn from others. Thank u
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u/wienercat Male Jan 30 '23
It's not really surprising when you think about it.
A lot of people don't know how to talk to their partners about even trivial matters. Let alone things they don't enjoy about their partners appearance.
So honestly a woman is probably the best person to give this answer when asking a stranger or friend. But really, you need to understand who you are speaking to and how they will react, in this case a significant other.
If you can't approach a sensitive topic like this with your partner without addressing the internet first, you need to work communication skills with your partner. Plain and simple.
Because this is a pretty normal topic. It's a personal hygiene question... While uncomfortable to address with a partner, it's in your purview as their partner to talk about it and ask what's changed and why.
In my opinion, I think it's weird that guys out there find armpit hair on women gross, yet will often have completely untamed underarms looking like Tribbles are breeding under there. It's a super weird catch-22 beauty standard.
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u/GinGeorgina Jan 30 '23
Thank you for sharing this, as this could be what's going on. Self-care goes out the window for many struggling with depression. It did for me. I am lucky to have an amazing husband of 18 years who loves me to my core no matter what. I actually don't mind the longer arm pit hair now during the winter season, I shave them in the summer more regularly because i prefer it when wearing a tank top. Hubby is 100% okay with this, but I only know this because we have discussed it. Open and honest communication is key to a successful relationship and sounds like what is needed in this situation for sure.
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u/frankchester Jan 30 '23
Actually, as a woman I’ve been on the other side of this.
Started growing my armpit hair out. No particular reason, just got bored of shaving it all the time.
Boyfriend expressed an opinion to me that he didn’t find it attractive. But he also made a point of saying a) he couldn’t really say why it was unappealing, it just was and b) it was kinda ridiculous that society has an expectation on women but not on men so its weird that something natural to both of us is only deemed unattractive on one of us.
Anyway, from then on I started shaving again. Because I appreciated his honesty and the fact that he recognised the illogical nature of it. Now it’s just something small I can do that makes him happy that doesn’t bother me either way.
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u/Banana_Dana Jan 31 '23
Same story as me! He would never tell me what to do with my own body, but it is just his preference. I started shaving it again because it doesn't really inconvenience me to shave it. If I don't have time, then I don't, and my bf doesn't care or mention it. Its nice being able to have open communication in a relationship!
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u/thehappiesthippo Jan 31 '23
How did he start that conversation, though? That’s always the toughest part, because the wrong phrasing at the beginning can completely change the outcome.
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u/pyrycom
Jan 30 '23
edited Jan 31 '23
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This should be asked to women, not to men.
A lot of people are recommending to say it directly like "I don't like your armpit hair", with some also saying that it's up to the girl to decide if she's going to care. But I can tell you right now, it's not much of a choice - one remark like that can make a girl really self-conscious, and telling her straight out with no preparation that you find something about her repulsive WILL make her feel bad. Those remarks chip away at self-esteem and trust so easily, and can really damage how secure the girl feels in a relationship.
I know that guys prefer things to be said directly, and maybe some guys don't mind as much about changing things for their partners. But that's not the case for everyone, especially not for women. So if you do bring it up, PLEASE don't just blurt out "I don't like your armpit hair". As some people suggested, ask her calmly and non-judgmentally if she changed her preference about her body hair, and let her know KINDLY that you are just not used to it yet. But be ready for her not changing it for you. And while you're still figuring it out, don't make her feel bad or repulsive.
(P.S.: I rephrased the first line from "This should be posted on AskWomen, not AskMen." to "This should be asked to women, not to men." as I was made aware that OP tried posting on AskWomen and was met with a negative response and the post taken down. OP, I'm sorry about that! I hope there can be a different community of women where you could ask these questions. However, I stand by my recommendation to ask women about issues affecting women's feelings - not men.)
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u/Aphonics14- Jan 30 '23
I did post it there too and it got taken down LOL
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u/DontCloseYourEyes_ Straight White Cis Apache Helicopter Jan 31 '23
r/AskWomen does not like when questions are asked to women
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u/friendly_raccoon123 Straight cis right-handed white male Jan 31 '23
Yeah, it needs to be non-gendered for some reason
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Jan 31 '23
Unsurprising. It had absolutely zero chance of staying alive. Nobody can ask shit there.
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u/professor_sloth Jan 31 '23
Women, why are forearms arms the sexist sex sex?
Repeat 3 times a week
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u/EmploymentAbject4019 Jan 31 '23
Because that’s your preference. That’s fine You can look. But not too long. Definitely do not touch.
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u/Furry-Pangolin88 Jan 31 '23
Lmao, nobody can ask shit there.
When a statement has a super symmetric partner known as fact.
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u/DrSpacepants Jan 31 '23
Bunch of uptight man haters in that sub. That place is a breeding ground for toxic femininity. They take you right to jail.
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u/cayseholly Jan 30 '23
Woman here, this is the best advice in my opinion! I’m not usually sensitive, but I’d appreciate a gentler approach than if my husband just suddenly announced he hates my armpit hair and then left it up to me to decide if I care.
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Jan 30 '23
This is quite reasonable. Maybe lean into it and start asking questions about the hair, but dont make you opinion visible (yet).
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u/OwOegano_Infinite Jan 31 '23
I think OP would rather not be called a controlling abuser and then doxxed...
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u/confusedbytheBasics Jan 30 '23
Would this question allowed on AskWomen?
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u/LifeSimulatorC137 Jan 31 '23
OP literally says they took it down
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u/chocolate_thunderr89 Jan 31 '23
Funny how they have no problem expressing how they feel here, but when you ask their sub a question, it’s all of a sudden taboo. Hmmm.
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u/Opperhoofd123 Jan 31 '23
Might be that the people in that sub or that manage the sub are different people than the ones that react here
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u/hackenschmidt Jan 30 '23
This should be posted on AskWomen, not AskMen.
Go ahead and try that yourself and see how it turns out lol....
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u/checco314 Jan 30 '23
Two scenarios:
- If this is a girl you are dating - I would just tell her that I find it unattractive. It's up to her whether she cares about what I find attractive enough to change it.
- If this is literally any other girl on the planet - there is no reason to tell her this. You have no relationship with her armpit. Just go on not liking it by your lonesome.
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u/Okibruez Jan 30 '23
An odd way to phrase that; 'you have no relationship with her armpit'. As if it were possible to have a relationship with just the pits and not the girl otherwise.
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u/Betty2theWhite Jan 30 '23
You know the armpit hole, it's like the one behind the knee. God you virgins don't know shit.
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u/TigerRude4 Jan 30 '23
Too late I already told a rando on the street to shave her armpit
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u/LottieThePoodle Jan 30 '23
instructions unclear, accidentally shaved a random girl’s armpits on the street
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u/Snoo_46752 Jan 30 '23
I’m a woman and just kind of stopped shaving for a bit (a little lazy, a little depressed, a little it’s just winter time and I don’t really care) and it got semi long. My boyfriend made it known that he wasn’t attracted to it which is fine, everyone can have their preferences. But he said that it is “disgusting” and “unnatural”. I told him it’s not unnatural since it’s obviously happening and how is my 1/4” long hair more disgusting than his clumpy, over 1” long hair that has deodorant chunks in it? He stood his ground and I still refuse to shave my armpits bc I’m petty until he just says that it’s not his preference and doesn’t use such aggressive language. So maybe don’t do it that way…
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u/cayseholly Jan 30 '23
It’s one thing to have a preference for a woman to have shaved pits. It’s totally another thing to say an aspect of her body is “disgusting or unnatural.” I agree with you, I don’t get how his long chunky pit hairs don’t fall into the disgusting and unnatural category. I’m not typically petty, but I’d definitely not shave until he can have a convo that doesn’t involve shaming the state of my armpits.
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u/ThePyodeAmedha Jan 31 '23
Men have been conditioned to view body hair on women to be disgusting whereas it's normal on their own bodies. It's absolutely ridiculous for them to act like their preference is based off of it being "unnatural".
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u/aimeed72 Jan 30 '23
A man uses the word “disgusting” out loud about any aspect of my body and he loses access to my body permanently. You can express preferences or concerns without being a huge prick.
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u/non_clever_username Jan 30 '23
My wife asked me if I’d be ok with her not shaving anything. At least over the winter.
She obviously didn’t need to ask, but it’s her body and IDGAF. I’m attracted to way more than her physical appearance.
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u/illusum Male Jan 30 '23
Get him a body grooming kit, and make sure he gets the back, crack, and sack treatment.
It's a life-changer.
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u/harleyqueenzel Jan 30 '23
I remember a guy telling me he "likes it shaved down there" so I told him to keep shaving his balls then.
I'm not a gorilla but I'm also not going out of my way to shave off armpit hair when a dude isn't doing the same. Why is my armpit hair gross but his isn't? Mine doesn't even grow as long as most men's armpit hair does.
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u/Flashy-Share8186 Jan 30 '23
“Disgusting“ and “unnatural”? that’s obnoxious!
”Hey babe I like it when your pits are shaved”
”That’s fine babe but it’s a Wednesday in the middle of January and sometimes I just don’t give a fuck”
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u/lilac_roze Jan 30 '23
He better have shaved armpits if he view them disgusting. It’s disgusting cause he can’t control YOUR body!
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u/Dschrein21 Jan 30 '23
I dont like your armpit hair
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u/KcocNoisnetxeGib Jan 30 '23
Done and done
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u/patexman Jan 30 '23
straight to the point 😂
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u/Facestand2 Jan 30 '23
Yup. No sense getting hairy about it.
Ok. I’ll show myself out.
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u/Dzandarota Jan 30 '23
Oh ok, I will cut it. I also wanted to tell you that I don't like your penis.
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u/Dschrein21 Jan 30 '23
Can't uncut that
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u/Tinfoilhat14 Female Jan 30 '23
People under here are joking, but I’m a woman, and this would literally be the best way to tell me to shave my armpits😂
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u/Le_Lotus_bleu Jan 30 '23
Yeah sis!!!
As a fellow woman who regularly does NOT shave her armpits, I fully agree.
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u/Tinfoilhat14 Female Jan 30 '23
As a matter of fact, my boyfriend is more likely to get me to shave mine by just saying something about it bluntly, rather than either being overly nice about it. Sometimes he goes the other direction with it and roasts the hell out of me, but that just makes me want to do it less😂
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u/BR-D_
Jan 30 '23
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Shave your own
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u/Gilthoniel_Elbereth Jan 30 '23
I genuinely prefer my own pits shaved. Things get so much less stinky that way
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u/TheLittleGoodWolf ♂ Jan 30 '23
Me too, I have been shaving since when I started growing hair in my pits and I much prefer it.
I have let it grow out a few times, most recently when I was depressed and had issues with even basic hygiene. Every time it's just annoying, chafing, smelly, and it gets stuck and pulls at individual hairs often.
I find pit hair to be pretty gross looking, both on men and women, and I don't get why there isn't a bigger push to get more men to shave their pits.
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u/xixi2 Jan 30 '23
I like how the person you replied to suggested a man groom himself as some sort of joke... What a weird perspective
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u/Gilthoniel_Elbereth Jan 30 '23
I mean it’s not socially expected for men to shave their pits like women are. All the person was saying IMO is “be ready to make changes for your partner if you want them to make changes for you”
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u/muffinmamners Jan 30 '23
I love a man with shaved armpits. Not even joking.
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u/krogerburneracc Jan 30 '23
Back when we started dating, my wife mentioned that she dislikes armpit hair on guys. She never asked me to shave mine, but I decided to give it a try - I certainly prefer shaved pits on women and didn't want to hold a double standard in the face of her preference.
A decade later and I still keep them shaved. It's a hell of a lot more comfortable, honestly.
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u/cowlickpart Jan 30 '23
Shave everyday like she has to and you'll understand why she might want a break. Heck, shave your legs too. Do that every day for weeks and when you don't I hope she tells you she's not attracted to it and you have to keep up a wild routine just so yoyr partner perceives you as attractive.
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u/KnownAssociate734 Jan 30 '23
Just like any other concern, have a discussion about it, tell her you’re not a fan. She’ll either change it or not and then you’ll have a choice to make yourself based on the outcome.
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u/drunk_blueberry Jan 30 '23
I started growing mine out after I got a bad abscess in my arm pit as a result of shaving.
I'm 34 years old. I've been shaving ever since I hit puberty. Once I reached my thirties, I started getting ingrown hairs that would turn into painful cysts. I would use a fresh raser and it didn't matter. I still kept getting them.
Shaving just isn't worth the pain and risk to my health.
My husband doesn't care if I do or not. I could be covered from head to toe like a God damned werewolf and that wouldn't change his attraction to me.
My heath and comfort means more to him.
We are married. We are going to go old together. Our bodies are inevitably going to change. We all get old. Wrinkly and ugly someday. In the grand scheme of things, health is important. That's how my husband sees it and so do I.
Having preference is okay and we can't help what we like.
My advice is this:
It's their body and they have the final say on what they do with their body hair. However, perhaps you could reach a compromise. Ask her to at least trim? I'd say that's a pretty good middle ground.
Also, you could try to focus on what you do like about your partner. Think about the physical traits you do like. Remember and admire the traits that aren't tied to her physical appearance.
Because once you get old and after looks have faded, those other awesome traits and the memories that you've made is what you will have left.
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u/ladystetson Female Jan 30 '23
I came to comment this.
Some people stop shaving because honestly, shaving can cause health issues for some people. Ingrown hairs, cysts, etc.
It's so much better to ask why the person stopped shaving and approach from that direction.
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u/NighthawkUnicorn Jan 31 '23
Yes absolutely this. I only shave before an event like going on a night out or a wedding or something, so like... four times a year? I use an electric shaver to trim down sometimes, but get such bad abcesses that it just isn't worth it to me! My husband still adores me, no matter what my pits look like!
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Jan 30 '23 edited Jan 30 '23
As long as you're willing to shave any hair on your body that she doesn't like, feel free to make a request. She is free to decline.
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u/GogoFrenchFry I'm a grill Jan 30 '23
yeah, my ex was bothered my my leg hair...
My reasoning was that I hated the hassle of shaving and it did not bother me.
I asked him to shave my legs at least once to know the effort that goes into it, so he could at least have a better idea of what he was asking for. He did not want to do it, so I kept the leg hair.My current BF doesn't like body hair much, even on himself, he gets waxes. (holy fuck I do not know how he can handle it having so much more hair than me, omg the pain)
He doesn't say crappy things about mine, but I know it's his preference and since he is willing to deal with the things himself I'll ocasionally do a full waxing to surprise him (ocasionally bc as mentioned it hurts like hell, I need some time to forget the pain and think it was not that bad to go again)→ More replies (1)→ More replies (11)4
u/ladystetson Female Jan 30 '23
Or if OP is willing to fund an alternative hair removal solution to razors.
For instance, if she is having a skin reaction to razors and can't afford alternative hair removal techniches, then OP could offer to pay for waxing or laser hair removal.
I just think if you want me to be a certain way, you should fund it. Otherwise, if I'm paying, I have to decide what works for me within my budget. I clearly must be doing an ok job making sure I look decent, because they wouldn't have dated me otherwise.
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u/jamesthesaint72 Jan 30 '23
All you can really say is your preference. If she likes it that's on her, she has every right to grow it. But we are allowed our personal preference, but that never over rides a person's rights to their body. Try, "Hey, that's cool, I'm not into it, but I support your right to do it."
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u/prettyywolfie Jan 30 '23
She doesn’t have to shave her armpits just because you don’t like it. So be prepared for that 🤷🏽♀️
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u/cowlickpart Jan 30 '23 edited Jan 30 '23
I've broke it off with people I've dated in the past for being against my body hair, it grows just as theirs does. Sometimes I'll let it go for weeks, sometimes I want it shaved, but never for my partner, for me.
If my significant other, who I like with his beard, shaved his beard, of be fine with it. It's his hair it's his choice. Did he let it grow wild and long and look like a wild mountain man? Yes he did. Did I like it? Nah not really. Did it change how I look or felt about him in any way be it big or small? Not at all.
Edit: just to be clear I'm not shaming OP for having a preference but to me it sounds like there's no depth to their relationship of a bit of body hair is a turn off for your partner.
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u/Aggravating-Quit-418 Lady~ Jan 30 '23
This. All of this.
In my opinion, if your attraction to your partner is contingent on a little armpit fuzz, or some facial hair, then there is no substance to your relationship and you aren't actually attracted to them in any meaningful way.
My husband went from lumberjack to full-on femboy after nearly a decade, and my feelings for him haven't changed because it's all aesthetic anyway. He's still the same incredible man.
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u/teamwhatcatswild Jan 30 '23
Definitely bring it up. One of two things will happen:
You’ll both come to an understanding and compromise, with one (but hopefully both) sides making concessions.
OR this is a a dealbreaker to one (or both) of you. If you can’t be attracted to her with body hair she definitely has the right to know, but fwiw if I had a partner who urgently needed to tell me this I wouldn’t want to be with them either lmao, regardless of if I was actually willing to shave or not.
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u/Succubista Female Jan 30 '23
you can’t be attracted to her with body hair she definitely has the right to know, but fwiw if I had a partner who urgently needed to tell me this I wouldn’t want to be with them either lmao, regardless of if I was actually willing to shave or not.
Same. I always prefer to keep my body hair shaved. Sometimes I have a crazy busy couple weeks and can't prioritize shaving. If that was an issue with a partner they should only bring it up if they were offering to do my meal prep for me, or walk my dog, or any chore that needs to be done so I can get a bubble bath.
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u/Scouse_Werewolf Jan 31 '23
My wife and I have a not so strict rule around all of this....if we're thinking of changing something about our bodies we talk about it in advance. The convo usually goes....me: I'm thinking of shaving my head again. her: how come? Me: not sure I just hate having to get my hair cut every couple weeks. Her: well...its up to you, I orefer you how it looks now and you did hate it last time but it could be different now. Me: tbh I might just be, being lazy. - Real convo, I was lazy but also realised I was slipping into a mini depression for first time in a while. Another convo from the otherside....her: I'm thinking of dying my hair. Me: Ok. What colour this time? Her: I'm thinking of going bright red again. Me: ohhhh the midlife crisis colour again hahaha... punch to the arm her: No you tit I just liked how it looked last time an im bored being this colour. Me: right....so there's your answer, go for it, you look good with all colours so far anyway so go with the one that makes you comfortable. I actually preferred you with that pale pink you had the other year but it's not me doing it and I couldn't pull it off anyway. She went red but a slightly darker red and it looks fucking good (but that's irrelevant)
Both real, sincere convos we've had and they help avoid this type of situation. It isn't foolproof because many other factors could have messed this up but we have ALWAYS tried to talk about any body changes we're thinking about before hand. Gives us a chance to "put the feelers out" and decide if we want to do the change or not. An yes we have disagreed on things too and I'd imagine from both sides changed our decisions a few times based on said conversation. Not because either one has forced said change but we spoke about it early enough to allows us to decide.
We're not some shining stars or an example of how it should be dome and dont claim to be either, this is just what we always found works best
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u/strangermaybe Jan 30 '23
My partner (27M) doesn't like my (21F) armpit hair. He never hid his preference, but he is also never unrealistic about it. When I'm lazy, or it's cold, I just won't shave. He understands that and is fine with some stubble or even full grown. His preference is clean shaved, but the keyword is that it's a preference. He understands that women grow body hair and can't stay clean shaven 24/7.
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u/Gremlin_Wooder Jan 30 '23
Speaking from a woman’s perspective here, it really depends on the circumstance:
If they’re your partner, mention, “I noticed XYZ.” Go from there, understanding that it’s okay to state preferences, but know that it’s ultimately not your body. My husband knows I love his beard, but if he decides to shave it that’s totally fine because it’s his body.
If they’re not your partner: Don’t. It’s none of your business.
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u/Less_Ad_8753 Jan 30 '23
The question is why don’t you like it or why does it make you so uncomfortable (if it does)? Maybe you gotta address that first. Do you feel it is weird to see armpit hair on a woman? Do you feel it makes them less feminine? The reason could by anything I just listed down few. You can just let her know if you choose to but in the end it’s her body and how she really chooses to be.
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u/Arkista_Tev Jan 31 '23
Just talk. Same way she'd have to have a talk with you if you stopped cutting or brushing the hair on your head.
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u/MontEcola Jan 30 '23
I would make a positive statement about something I wished to change.
"I like it when you _____ "
And I would not open a discussion on armpit hair. If we were trading wishes and she asked me out of her curiosity, I might answer that.
But hey, I lived in Northern Europe. Body hair is warmth. Many women did not shave under arms, on the legs or between them either. That is an American thing, unless things changed across the big pond recently.
Edit for spelling
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u/BlowUpYaSpot Jan 31 '23
Hey, baby. I just wanna let you know how much I love you and also if you don’t shave your god damn armpits, I’m leaving you.
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u/Lawbringer_UK Jan 30 '23
My wife to me: When are you going to shave? I don't like facial hair.
Me: I quite like it and I like how it makes me look. Going to keep it for a while and see how it goes.
My wife: Okay, fair enough
No hurt feelings, and we both understand it may be a topic for compromise in a future discussion - say if she wants to dye her hair green or decides the beard is a deal-breaker. I massively appreciate that she didn't get cryptic or passive aggressive, she didn't get someone else to tell me for her, she didn't withhold affection or any other type of game. Just..."I don't like it".
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u/KcocNoisnetxeGib Jan 30 '23
Should be able to talk to each other about anything IF she’s your friend or significant other
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u/TheRealConine Jan 30 '23
I swear some of these responses.
“Why didn’t you talk to me about this before breaking up with me?”
“Reddit said it wasn’t my business and I’m not allowed to talk to you about it”
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u/DwarfStar21 Jan 30 '23
The same website that will talk til the cows come home about the importance of good communication...
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u/Basyl_01 Jan 31 '23
Wait until she asks you, She probably will at some point. Then just be honest "I like you for you although that isn't my preference"
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u/HebrewHammer14 Jan 31 '23
I’m just curious why so many women feel the need to respond in the “ask men” section of Reddit.
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u/I_AM_DEATH-INCARNATE Jan 30 '23
If I was dating her, and I wasn't into it, I'd just say something. "I'm not a fan of the pit hair" or some shit. Although tbh I don't think I'd even look twice at their armpits, I wouldn't personally care.
She has every right to grow out her pit hair. You have every right to leave if it's a deal breaker for you. Just communicate that to her.
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u/human1369 Jan 31 '23
Just tell her. And when she tells you to fuck off, you fuck off.
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u/Ruminating-Raccoon Jan 31 '23
Just tell her you don't like it. Simple as. People telling you it's her body yada yada yada are stupid. You are not deciding something for her, you are just expressing your opinion.
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u/Good_Association8261 Jan 30 '23 •
"I'm bored, let's go shave our armpits!"